Whether it’s a funeral or a memorial, music can mean a great deal.
It can bring back memories, express something that is difficult to put into words, or carry a little of the person into the room.
But with so much music to choose from — and several moments in the ceremony to consider — it isn’t always easy to know where to begin.
Start with the person, not the occasion
You don’t need to choose “funeral music”.
Instead, think about what they listened to in the car, played around the house or turned up whenever it came on.
Perhaps they loved a particular singer. Or they had a song that always got them dancing.
Perhaps they knew every word to something they would never have admitted liking…
If it reminds you of them, it belongs on the list.
It doesn’t have to be sombre or sad
A farewell ceremony can hold all sorts of music.
It might be gentle and reflective, or warm and uplifting.
It might make everyone laugh because it is so completely and unmistakably them.
Rock, reggae, country, classical, hymns, musical theatre, cheesy pop — there isn’t a rulebook hiding behind the curtains!
There is also room for recorded music, a live performance, an instrumental piece or something everyone can sing together.
The question isn’t, “Is this a song for a funeral?”
It’s, “Is this song them?”
Have a think about what you want each piece to do
The music at the beginning can set the tone as everyone arrives.
A piece in the middle can give people the chance to pause and spend time with their own memories.
And the final piece can leave people reflecting — or send them out smiling.
The songs don’t all need to create the same feeling.
People don’t, so why should their playlist?
Don’t worry if every lyric isn’t perfect
Sometimes the lyrics express exactly what you want them to say.
Sometimes they have very little to do with anything, but it’s the tune that brings them to mind.
Both are perfectly good reasons to choose a piece of music.
Make a shortlist
If you’re stuck, write down every possibility before ruling anything out.
Think about:
- the artists and albums they listened to;
- songs connected to holidays, parties or other memories;
- music they sang, hummed or always turned up loud;
- songs that family and friends immediately associate with them.
Then listen to them.
You may find that the song that sounds least like “funeral music” feels exactly right for their ceremony — all the more reason to include it!
There doesn’t have to be one perfect choice
No single piece of music needs to represent the whole of someone’s life.
Each piece only needs to do what you want it to do:
- welcome people as they arrive;
- create space to remember in the middle;
- accompany the exit;
- or be used anywhere else you choose.
You may also decide to leave some parts without music — or not include any at all. That is a perfectly valid choice too.
But if a piece feels right for them and right for a moment in the ceremony, it has earned its place.