A weekend after the bleak before
Last week, life was a featureless plain. It was me amongst this bland flatness. Mighty bleak. Mighty lonely, too, ’cause I’m a boring piece of shit. Sullen mope. Utter failure. Why even breathe? So fucking pointless. Frustration. And then on Thursday, while in work trying to coax these electrical boards out of the machine, I […]
Read moreDown
Falling Already fallen Lying on the ground In mud? Not lucky enough for that Gotta sleep Who? Gotta try It’s too funny Too weak to sit up
Read moreIn finger news…
‘Cause of that damn spider on Saturday my poor little pinky still looks deformed ’cause it’s bloated between 2 knuckles and looks like a balloon on top. It’s also a touch flushed, stingy and itchy still. The one thing it isn’t doing, other than being better, is driving me up the fucking wall! I’m going […]
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A weekend that began at the allotment and ended minus a finger
I awoke Saturday with 10 fingers and ended the morning with 9.
Read moreA weekend dedicated to car checks and cider
Since beginning this driving lark nearly a year ago (yeah, a year! I know! 😲) I’ve been checking my oil, coolant, and screen wash levels roughly when I’ve remembered. On the yoozh, this is when the screen wash has gone and I’ve opened the bonnet, VIOLA! (I like to be smug when possible.) When it […]
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STOP! This is an emergency! // Erm, nah
In my bag there is a box. There are many boxes and lots of pill strips. That’s all I carry around now. Pills and glasses. And exactly how old am I? 34 going on 90. Anyway, there’s this particular box, and particular pill strip, that’s named The Emergency Stop Pill. It’s got some fancy unpronounceable […]
Read moreA weekend of darkness
Migraine —
Read moreI’m not that tired
I’m a little sleepy. Maybe I should go to bed. Maybe I shouldn’t. Who knows! Not me.
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A weekend of forgetful success
Originally, this weekend was to celebrate Betty White’s 97th birthday. I’m a super fan. Totally adore the old broad. I once flew all the way to LA to see her. Because she’s basically a distant relative, the Betty White marathon I had planned got forgot. I totally unremembered. I ended up having a Poirot marathon […]
Read moreA weekend of mild success
Usually, when I’m with Kayte we don’t achieve. We have every intention but one thing soon leads to excuses and we get nowhere. We have to book or be so committed our excuses suck to get places. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule. This weekend, with Kayte’s visit, we booked cinema tickets. Having […]
Read moreA weekend, the first of 2019
It was fucking cold. When with heating, it was fucking hot. And it went too quick. It’s true, when it comes to temperature, I’m inclined to overreact. I’m not as fat as I used to be, and I no longer walk in and out of mortuaries all day long, and sometimes it’s the only thing […]
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HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
2019!!! With fingers crossed, it’ll be a good year! It’ll be the year we find what alludes, and new things too. It’ll be hilarious. An absolute rip-roar! It’ll be the year we grapple to hold — we’ll take control! We’ll love more, love harder in return. We can only get stronger. Whatever it brings you, love […]
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A weekend before 2019
IT’S ALMOST THAT TIME!!! To get ready, the last weekend of the year went out in style! On Saturday was Christmas Day 2.0 with Myles & co. Mum slaved away in the kitchen while us boys built a rail empire. On Sunday, I found this old man I recognised in a pub and went out […]
Read more*** I’m laughing too hard to entitle
I amuse me. Whether I mean to or not, I do. I find myself so fucking funny that I can’t cope! I can’t be! I know exactly which buttons to push to get me going weak, and so I push ’em. I’ve got to! I can’t help it! I’m addicted! If I could find the […]
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Merry Christmas everyone!!!!
I hope you all have a great time!!
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A weekend before Christmask
Should auld acquaintance be forgot — shit! That’s a week away! Um I’m too drunk for this! This weekend, I have Got myself to Cornwall. Discovered pink gin and lemonade. Tried to see the festive Mousehole harbour lights but discovered I can’t drive in the Cornwall pitch-black dark so managed 5-miles before hitting the gin. […]
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No more work ’cause it’s Christmas!!!
YAY!!! And the best bit… IT’S NO MORE WORK UNTIL 2019!!! That’s a whole year away! And what’s super great is that I haven’t got to work Christmas Eve and those pesky days ’til New Year FOR THE FIRST TIME I CAN REMEMBER!!! (Except, of course, 2015 and ’17 when I was without job ’cause they […]
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A weekend of a spectacle wearing Christmas cracker
It was the works do on Saturday, and nice to see everyone tarted up! All except Leigh. Leigh didn’t tart himself up. He might think that he did, but a Power Ranger costume isn’t fine dining attire. The fireworks were a nice touch, though. I liked them. The DJ cancelled on us so the bar […]
Read moreA weekend not in Wales
This is my 2nd weekend in Wales in 2 months that I’ve spent in England. Some might think that I don’t want to visit my parents. And it’s true, last month they didn’t want me. One had a TV being delivered, the other antibiotics. For this month, with it being so close to Christmas, they […]
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Brain freeze migraine (with vertigo sprinkles)
Maybe I was too smug. Maybe, because my migraines weren’t headache-aches, I rubbed it in. This past year, I do remember throwing lots of parties. Here’s me thinking I was celebrating friends when maybe I was gloating. A little shit, see. Deserve it. Or maybe, this is just a development. When once my migraines were […]
Read moreIt doesn’t mean much
It doesn’t mean much Nothing really does Having you stand so close Do I feel okay? We’re lost in moments Wondering who we are And it’s sort of nice Not meaning much Don’t you think?
Read moreA weekend of IT’S CHRISTMAS (so soon)!!!
It seems to be coming around quicker every year, Christmas. I suspect, having recently been enlightened on the conspiracy surrounding fluoride, that we’re being lied to. It won’t take much digging by a perfectly focused snooper to discover that the months are being shortened, if not erased entirely, by our governments and big corporations. WHY?! […]
Read moreA weekend that ended much better than it started
It started with day 9 of the same damn vertigo migraine episode — day 9! Ffs, taking the piss! It’s supposed to be 7 days and it fucks off! I don’t handle these migraines well, especially when they’ve been set off because I lost my shit with Natwest. After a week of attempting work and mostly […]
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Thrilling half-hour
POWERCUT! I haven’t had one of these since for ages. I remember them to be adventure-filled in childhood. Initially, I thought it was the fusebox since that likes to trip when it’s bored. But no, outside the window was utter darkness. Eerie, walking along the streets. Street after street. Cars going by. No lights. Palmerston Road was […]
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A weekend recuperating
Thanks to Natwest’s helpfulness, I lost my shit Thursday afternoon. And I know exactly where I lost it, too, in their ears! And as I’ve grown accustomed, losing my shit this way finds me a vertigo migraine. Oh, the joys! I’d rather not lose my shit in the first place, but it can’t be helped […]
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Natwest, the helpful bank: “Oh, you want your money back? That’s easy! We can help! All you got to do is jump through this hoop. And this one. And now this one. And this one, too. We can’t forget this one, it’s our favourite. And this one. And…”
Back near the end of September, I purchased myself an 11-foot paddle-board. What I received was a 2-foot ladybird. I don’t really know what it is, but it ain’t 11-foot long that’s for certain. I e-mailed the company and they said they’d get back to me but didn’t. I Facebooked them and got told that […]
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A weekend of dramatic scenery
Calling the Jurassic Coast ‘dramatic’ really doesn’t give a sense of just how dramatic it is. If it were a person it would be crowned — MOVE OVER LIZZIE! REAL ROYALTY HERE! There’s a view that it’s dramatic just because it can. Jagged cliffs, crashing waves — a seagull doing somersaults in the wind. It’s […]
Read more***precious raspy voice sounds drowned out by loud music
I’m not one to lose my voice. Considering the shit I’ve lost over the years — from my keys to my sanity — my voice has never been one of them. I like to think this is because my voice is too scared to be misplaced. If it got lost, it would face my wrath (upon its […]
Read moreA weekend that should not have needed to be
There isn’t much to be said about this weekend. It had its Saturday and Sunday. It was 48-hours long. It played the hand that Life had dealt. It was good and bad, pretty and ugly. There isn’t much to be said. Amid its love and hopelessness, there was us standing, stood — held taught and caught, […]
Read moreA weekend not visiting the parents
Now that I’m with car, the 3-hour drive to their respective homes almost promotes regular visits through ease alone. It’s a case now of jump in the car and go! No 5-hour train journey. No asking my father to pick me up and drop me home. I’m independent now, baby. But neither parent wanted me. […]
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A weekend hoping I’d understood the temporary parking restrictions correctly*
* If not, Berty would get us our first fine and he’d get towed. He’d get thrown in lockup! And knowing his owner, he’d pick up the soap…
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P!NK IS COMING TO WEMBLEY!!!
AND I’VE GOT TICKETS!!! I can barely contain myself. It’s taken me the whole day to write this ’cause, you know…
Read moreI now see
It’s the little things I now notice All the things I didn’t see Couldn’t see Didn’t want to Why would I? I wouldn’t have been me
Read moreA weekend of 2 halves
On the one side, I was resting a migraine. On the other, my main man Myles’ 4th birthday party!!! Saturday saw me catch up with all my series’ since moving was vetoed. Sunday saw my first (by car) visit to Lidl, followed by a 4-year-olds birthday party! I couldn’t find everything I had to get […]
Read moreA week of migraines (I know how to live)
This past week’s vertigo migraine was likely born of excess because I haven’t noticed any stress around. A little party here — one over there — it’s no stretch to see how a miserable migraine won’t like it. Perish the thought of having fun. Sickness and underwater vision. Dizziness on a tightrope. It’s such a worthy […]
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A weekend after a week of near-misses
Okay, there were only 2, and they both happened last Monday, but they resonated.
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A weekend to drink
It was Nadine’s birthday bash this weekend — destination, Southampton! Because Shaun has, in his own words, ‘ferried my fat arse around for fifteen years’, it was my turn to drive. It’s fortunate, therefore, that I can. After an uneventful journey, and some confusion with a parking meter, we got to Nadine’s and I got […]
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Trains, boats, and buses — a public transport adventure
Somewhat been a plan of mine for a good year, today I took my little man Myles on a grand public transport adventure! Our route was circular because I like circles, and we hit up all the classics. A train to Portsmouth Harbour A ferry to Gosport A bus to Fareham A train back home For […]
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A tale that’s taken all day to write
Last night, whilst lying in bed feeling sorry for myself because my nose hurts and I don’t want to blow it any more The thought hit me like a truck I didn’t stick Bertie’s wing mirrors in! I know how to do it now — it just takes that bit more force than I was […]
Read moreA weekend before a streaming nose
I woke up this morning with my brain streaming from my nose. It has to be my brain because my sinuses can’t possibly produce this amount of snot. (Current peak at a whole bog roll per 2 hours.) Also, I feel dumber – my brain is like soup dribbling out of my nostrils. Had I […]
Read moreSeeing you
Starry eyes Sleepless nights A little time A little delight Looking through And looking out A humble song A little doubt Wondering if And hoping, too A little wish Here with you Do you notice? I sure do I see so much I’m seeing you
Read moreBertie’s first (with me) MOT
I’m feeling all grown up, doing grown up things like taking the car to get its MOT. I was a little nervous because I’ve heard about other people’s failed MOTs, and I had to kill an hour waiting. But as I suspected, Bertie is in fine fighting form! He has been given 2 advisories – […]
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A weekend smelling like an alien *
* they smell like Boss Orange if you were wondering.
Read moreI don’t know why I bother searching
I don’t know why I bother I only lose my mind Every single time I search for the things I need to find I convince myself I’m certain I do know where they are! I tingle-bone ‘cause I do know they haven’t wandered far But they’re never where I put them They’re never where they’re […]
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A contactless current account card — something everyone has but me
Never had one. My cousin has lent me hers to use on the tube and I didn’t know what to do with it. I found it very niffty how you just tap and walk away. It’s made me want one. I see all these people saving their seconds and here I am having to find […]
Read moreThis bloody fool has only gone and got himself some vertigo migraine
I was sorting out a job in work, looking between paperwork, so looking down, and I was looking down for far too long. When I looked up again, the floor followed. The floor’s been following me and walls have been hugging me ever since lunch. No nausea, though, YAY!!! — well, a slight twinge but […]
Read moreA weekend in Portsmouth
How last weekend saw nuptials and migraines, this weekend didn’t. There were no weddings to attend, no vertigo to steady — instead, allotment-working and paddle boarding. And how last weekend seemed to linger around, this weekend vanished — it’s my one complaint. Saturday saw me start the morning feeding a parrot. Charlie the parrot. She’s very […]
Read moreA weekend for a wedding
Torquay, again. This time for Tanya’s wedding. These past 4 weekends have seen me driving to and from Cornwall, Torquay (twice now), and having a migraine. The migraine weekend was meant to see me in Cornwall but the migraine made me housebound. With all these long journeys behind me and the one ahead, and with […]
Read moreI’m soooo tired but I’ve got so much to do! 😫😴
I’m proper sleepy tired. I’m at that level of tired where I could just cry because I’m that tired. I’m not going to because I’ve got stuff to do. Shitloads. I had like an hour last night, 2 and a half, absolute max. Just lying there a bit riled up, nose disjointed, and in regular […]
Read moreA long weekend that wasn’t the planned bank holiday
With this bank holiday being the arsehole of a migraine, my plans had to change because arseholes are fussy about what’s in them. Originally, it was Friday and Saturday in Cornwall for Kaytes birthday followed by lad-time with Myles and Shaun. Revised, the furthest I drove was a lonesome mile followed by jack shit. To […]
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