This me I be
My life, overall, is this: I wake up, usually feeling like shit, and I force down a small bowl of Weetos. The cuppa slides down like a dream. I hike to the car and wonder why people can’t drive at 7am, and get to work where I find another cuppa awaits me. I do work, […]
Read moreI don’t know how I voice all that I don’t know how to sayThe thoughts inside my head aren’t quite the words inside my brainAll is very ordered ’til I open trap to say… Almost nearly got it — I’d forgot they weren’t the same
Read moreI don’t articulate myself very well. When it comes to the little things — the weightless feelings — I get diarrhoea and can’t shut up, so I’ve got no issue here. Other people might have one, though, but I don’t. When it comes to the big things — the massive feelings — I get tongue-tied, […]
Read moreLast week, life was a featureless plain. It was me amongst this bland flatness. Mighty bleak. Mighty lonely, too, ’cause I’m a boring piece of shit. Sullen mope. Utter failure. Why even breathe? So fucking pointless. Frustration. And then on Thursday, while in work trying to coax these electrical boards out of the machine, I […]
Read moreI amuse me. Whether I mean to or not, I do. I find myself so fucking funny that I can’t cope! I can’t be! I know exactly which buttons to push to get me going weak, and so I push ’em. I’ve got to! I can’t help it! I’m addicted! If I could find the […]
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Back near the end of September, I purchased myself an 11-foot paddle-board. What I received was a 2-foot ladybird. I don’t really know what it is, but it ain’t 11-foot long that’s for certain. I e-mailed the company and they said they’d get back to me but didn’t. I Facebooked them and got told that […]
Read moreNow that I’m with car, the 3-hour drive to their respective homes almost promotes regular visits through ease alone. It’s a case now of jump in the car and go! No 5-hour train journey. No asking my father to pick me up and drop me home. I’m independent now, baby. But neither parent wanted me. […]
Read moreIt’s the little things I now notice All the things I didn’t see Couldn’t see Didn’t want to Why would I? I wouldn’t have been me
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Well, the heat and Tuesday’s bad mood have conspired to bring about a vertigo migraine. Yippee! Nausea has my heart always. And in this spirit of romance, today I took my lover to the cinema. I would’ve preferred being reclined on the sofa. Actually, I would’ve preferred no migraine, but I can’t have everything. I […]
Read moreI had to succumb to a broken spirit, but I didn’t get a migraine. WIN! (Kinda) I had to fall so far that I lost hope, fell into a routine — died inside. It’s a similar place to where you go when you’re a kid and your parents are having a blazing row. Withdraw. It’s just […]
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Well, this weeks vertigo migraine is fast taking up the whole week. If I get a say, it can go fuck itself. It can take its dizziness and nausea and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. I have neither the time nor patience to put up with this crap. But put up with it I […]
Read moreHeading off to Wales for 3 days was full of purpose. It was my first proper long distance drive since buying Bertie. 190-odd miles to my father, 15 to my mother, 180-odd back. I loved every minute. Bertie’s oil warning light issue was the only, well, issue. It was my first chance to freely travel […]
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Unlike most other bank holidays that whizz by like as if they’re shorter than a regular weekend, this one took its sweet sweet time. It actually took its days as gorgeous, sunny days should; lazily. It all began on Friday after work. After popping to the allotment to do a spot of watering, I spent […]
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I wouldn’t say I’m anti-Royal, I quite like them, really. They don’t bother me. It’s just that if Prince Harry got married to Meghan on a weekday, and this day was made into a Bank Holiday, then I’d be all other their celebrations. I’d be WOOP WOOP WEDDING!!!! (I am often inappropriate in church) But […]
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It has been 2 years since I was freed from The Southern Co-operative Funeralcare and their warped sense of compassion, and if it hadn’t been for Facebook’s ‘On this day’ reminder then I wouldn’t have even noticed — I think that’s progression right there.
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This time next week I’ll either be a bona fide driver, with my green provisional being whisked off to the DVLA to be resprayed pink, or I’ll have failed on something stupid and looking to rebook my test. One or the other. It would make my life easier if I passed first time — well, […]
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This date looms in the calendar. 11:20(ish) a.m.. 3 years ago today he left us when he should’ve been allowed to stay. He was such a wonderful man, and I’m not just saying this because I’m biased. He was a much better man than me. And 3 years on, it feels like it’s been barely […]
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I can be exceptionally subtle… not.
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If only I was different If I was someone else I know I’d be magnificent No bargain off the shelf I would surely be the envy Of everyone about And then I’d finally like me Love me without a doubt
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1 year, 52 weekends, most of which long forgotten.
My year review written 2 weeks late because it came around too quick and I wasn’t ready.
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Ah shit, I need to head the other way!!
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This is written now that I’m calm
Read moreDay 1 was really just a waste of time. Rude staff, false promises — would Day 2 be any better?
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Sometimes you get really rather annoyed. I mean REALLY rather annoyed. KABOOM! annoyed. And so you got to do something about it. Then you get a vertigo migraine.
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I am this to me
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This post right here is a personal triumph
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I’ve returned! I’m not necessarily a fan of Fareham
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I should’ve been…
(Life is a journey, the years are keepsakes, and fortunately there’s no baggage limit.)
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Letter to my mother, SENT!!
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Hmmm – ah eh, no…
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So I went to the post office
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YES! It’s done! Oh my god! Oh my god! I know! (I don’t know why exactly I’m bowing)
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My mental health awareness day
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AAARGH!!!
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World Mental Health Day 2017
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Just not today.
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ANGER: a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility There was a time when I kept my anger, disapproval, disgust private — always accommodating, assuaging to all — my thoughts my own, never rocked the boat; wouldn’t like to, me no like confrontation. Apologetic, quick to — any blame? Mine. This is because I’ve never liked my […]
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This morning at 9am it officially became one year in Customer Service — Roxie and I shared little paper gifts and carried on as we’re now accustomed. We haven’t drowned and we haven’t had our P45s — WIN! I just want to say that I’m really grateful for this year. It’s not hard for me to recall the difficulty […]
Read moreI am changed. It is an undeniable truth — totes altered, that’s me. You don’t lose close loved ones, get bullied by your manager in the funeral home you work, get forced to defend your grief to your employers, have a breakdown, spiral down, and come out the other side without changing a little. Impossible. I could […]
Read moreI have my dark days. They are not as dark as the days had once been but they aren’t light filled, aren’t clear and transparent — still thick fog in the dead of night; still lost in a place unknown. They are lonely days. I can’t voice how I feel so no-one can understand, can […]
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