A journey of weekends

A weekend Victorious

August Bank Holiday sees Portsmouth host Victorious, a little music festival that we’re proud to call our own. Since 2014 Southsea Common, Castle Field, and the surrounding patch has been awash with revelers all mingling for a good time. There’s beer and food, things to do, and of course music. Loud music. I’ve been able […]

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Vertigo migraines, Work

I am my own employee

Having stress induced vertigo migraines got me thinking about stress and standing on my feet. In thinking about my feet I’ve drawn the conclusion that mine aren’t the ugliest in the world, and that my two littlest toes are cute. In thinking about stress I’ve determined that there’s lots of it. Some of it is […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend back to normality

After galavanting around Cornwall partaking in good food and good views, coming home can be a downer because you have to fend for yourself and already know the views. I’ve been naughty and had two takeaways… Other than eating crap, I met up with Myles and his dad — first time in nearly 2 weeks. Myles was […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend with Kayte

When an invite to Cornwall crops up it’s rude not to go! So on Thursday I did. 6hr train trip entertained by a true crime magazine and a couple of movies — 2hrs of which stood by a slam door. I was planning to get a taxi to Kayte’s once in Truro but there wasn’t one […]

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Life

Life, onward & forward

Sometimes you just don’t know whether you’re coming or going, leaching or laughing, and that’s cool. That’s life. That’s how things often be. Unknown. Beyond comprehension. A little fun and / or scary. You’re moving forward, heading deeper into this great wilderness of chance and beat, following a path that juts and twists — through […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend in the sunshine

With the sun beating down glorious, and with the 4 walls of my flat closing in, I’ve been getting out, going for walks, and mainly ending up with Myles. As mum and dad heaved boxes and furniture about (moving home) Myles and I played cars, blew bubbles, read books, and ate ice cream. We also […]

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Food

STEP AWAY FROM THE CAKE! But I really want some

It’s come that time again. Diet time. Burning calories time. Monitor what I eat time. STEP AWAY FROM THE CAKE time. Exercise time. Crap times ahead. I’m fat. There’s no way to sugar coat it (mmm, sugar icing) — Tomos here is fat, fat, fat. He’s so fat he never loses things anymore, they take orbit. I’ve […]

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Anger

Bad mood worsening

For reasons only my temper knows, I’m getting shitty and shittier and evermore disgruntled. The day’s irritations have mounted, I’m grinding my teeth, clenching my jaw, and have a dead gaze to rival a corpse. I can’t manage words. I can growl and snap but not speak. I can’t manage patience. I just, no. Fuck off. […]

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Anger

Who I am these days now things are different

I am changed. It is an undeniable truth — totes altered, that’s me. You don’t lose close loved ones, get bullied by your manager in the funeral home you work, get forced to defend your grief to your employers, have a breakdown, spiral down, and come out the other side without changing a little. Impossible. I could […]

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Blogging

Lesson 01: Unlock the mind — what’s the purpose of this blog?

I’ve decided that I don’t know what I’m doing — never known — so I’m learning. I’m discovering this blogging business. It’s been 2 years in June, definitely high time. Writing 101: Build a Blogging Habit That’s where I’m starting. Apparently the aim is to get me blogging every day — I don’t know how […]

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Death, Writing

Describing grief — very hard

Grief is very hard describe. My main character in Kill The Killer (So I Did) is bereaved and his grief doesn’t flow onto the page easily. And so it shouldn’t. Just because Julian’s grief is fictional it doesn’t make it any less important, any less consuming, any less personal. It is just as real as […]

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Mental wellbeing

My choices in hindsight — should I regret the bad ones?

No. Regret loves hindsight because hindsight is ever so wonderful, but I’ve never seen hindsight around when the choosing is going down. Afterwards. Only afterwards is hindsight with us with its ‘you should’ve done this’ and ‘if only you’d done that’ opinions but by then it’s too late to matter. What regret and hindsight both forget is that choice doesn’t […]

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Mental wellbeing, Portsmouth Water

A year from In lieu of care

Freebie forever! I love it. I’m much better. I’d go so far as to say that I’ve reset myself back to my normal, maybe even beyond normal the other way. I’m not as silenced any more — I’m admitting what I’m thinking aloud and it’s liberating. I’m not as caught up any more — life is just too […]

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Bullying

Face to face with my bully (almost)

I’d cause to visit The Southern Co-operative Funeralcare today, its hub branch in Fratton — first time I’ve been there in well over a year, and hopefully the last ever. When I die make sure the Co-op doesn’t get my body. They had 5 years of my life, they won’t have me laid out on their racking. Much unchanged — […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend with Sloan the slow worm

Meet Sloan, he’s a slow worm. He lives in a vegetable patch under a vegetable patch blanket that keeps him warm, and he likes to do slow worm stuff all day like catching worms and slugs, and avoiding cats. He slithers about because he looks like a snake, but he isn’t a snake — he’s a slow […]

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In memory, Mental wellbeing

March 31st — the date of missing letters

It’s hard not to blame the date. It’s very easy to blame the date and the time, the day, what we were wearing, doing, where we were… It’s very easy to blame it all. None of this is wrong, it’s perfectly natural. It’s because things happen on dates. We’re wearing clothes (probably) and doing stuff someplace when […]

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