A journey of weekends

A weekend prehistoric

It’s taken us 3 attempts and hours of walking, but at long last we’ve found the prehistoric fern that’s been our motivation to go to Hundred Acre Wood! It’s a crazy looking fern. We turned ’round to the kid and said that there fern’s great-great-great-so-many-greats-grandparents got eaten by a Stegosaurus! In response, the kid complained […]

Read more
A journey of weekends

A weekend hunting for my shaver

In the old flat, my shaver/trimmer/whatever — chin hair snipper — lived in a skull by the TV. Easy to find. Never need move, of course, as long as it wasn’t in use. A week last Thursday, I put said shaver in my brown carry-all, along with a few choice things that I wished to […]

Read more
A journey of weekends

A weekend (the first) in my new home

My bed has changed walls almost as many nights as I’ve slept in this flat. I’m loving how the ground floor (a restaurant) is terraced but our abode is detached in nature, very free of neighbourly disturbance. There’s sufficient space between our bedrooms that we can independently listen to music and bother no-one. By my […]

Read more
This me I be

My last night in this flat

I’ve had my last meal. I’ve taken my last stroll around the headland. Seen the lights twinkle. Heard the sea slosh. I’m going to watch my last movie. Have my last shower. Climb the stairs and struggle to sleep for the last time in this heat, in this flat. Tomorrow, like an obedient puppy following […]

Read more
A journey of weekends

A weekend too hot

I’m not built for 30C+. I’m definitely not built for 30C+ and moving. Fortunately, us boys took time out of melting for paddle boarding. Those few cool hours were the best all weekend.

Read more
A journey of weekends

A weekend with two homes

We got the keys on Friday! Sitting up in bed, here I come!!! Unfortunately, all my shit is in the wrong flat. After today, there’s two car loads moved and a very sleepy Tomos. A point for future note: Don’t move in the summer.

Read more
A journey of weekends

A weekend that started in full panic mode

Thursday was a busy day. Interview. See Myles. Drive to Wales. It all went well until I got Shaun to change my break bulb. I didn’t turn the engine fully off. Changing the bulb killed the battery. Click-click-click. This unexpected turn of events completely threw my mind mode into blind panic. I’m not very useful […]

Read more
A journey of weekends

A weekend flat hunting

The cupboard I call a flat is barely big enough for one, let alone two, especially not two and a half. What is needed is space, enough for two and a half men We need kitchen counters and cupboards. We need a living room that’s more than three steps from the centre of the kitchen. […]

Read more
This me I be

Another defrosted freezer, another pissed off cook

For the second time in a month, twat features here – Has turned the freezer off, not noticed, and defrosted its entire contents. It’s all mush. The cook is not pleased. There was a homemade doner longing to be eaten. Myles’ prickly palate had reasons to shout “Yum!” There was a lonesome Magnum that only […]

Read more
Mental well-being

Does a breakdown require a doctor’s signature?

I was talking to someone recently who’d been sectioned and we were discussing mental health and well-being, and I brought up my breakdown. I briefly covered my experience and got told that I hadn’t had a breakdown, I would know it if I had, and that a real breakdown requires a doctor’s signature. An uncle […]

Read more
This me I be

Advice and lip-service — I’m already sweet enough

On the day my funeral assessing role became surplus to requirements and I got the boot, I received advice that was echoed by two people in a position to know. Don’t give up, you’re born to be an assessor. Go for social care assessor roles, your skillset suits it well. Need anything, come to me. […]

Read more
This me I be

The care home/funeral home assessor paradox

If you’ve worked in a care home, you can go on to become a funeral assessor (if the fancy takes you). You don’t need funeral home experience. The care home world and the funeral home world cross-over and are totally related. If you’ve worked in a funeral home, you can’t go on to become a […]

Read more
A journey of weekends

A weekend a foot shorter than the tallest nettle

This year, a lot due to Shaun’s shoulder, this covid way of life, and a little because of I-can’t-be-arsed-itus, the allotment has had the attention it’s been used to. Nothing’s been planted. We’ve hardly been to see it. With restrictions lifting, his shoulder mended, and motivation restored, we went to the allotment! And my gosh, […]

Read more
A journey of weekends

A weekend with the foxes in the forest

To help Myles with his home-school work (and keep his teachers off his back) we went on a home-school trip to Foxes Forest. We had to find a bird. Find a tree. Spot some grass and find a breeze. And other things, like photographing flowers and leaves. We found lots of trees and birds, and […]

Read more
A journey of weekends

A weekend for my half-birthday *

* This half-birthday has taken 12 months! Because 2020 doesn’t really count, I’ve decided that I wasn’t 36 this weekend, I was 35½. I’m not going to be 36 until next June when apparently I’m meant to 37! Shit happens. And the best thing is, my maths works for everyone!

Read more
A journey of weekends

A weekend before the big 3-6

This time next week, I’ll be halfway to 72. With lockdown still happening, although ever so slightly eased, this week has seen a dream for Greek meatballs achieved. Homemade. It turns out, this cooking from scratch lark, is doable. Still can’t cook an egg, though.

Read more
A journey of weekends

A weekend fast & furious

The Fast and the Furious 2 Fast 2 Furious The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift Fast & Furious Fast Five Fast & Furious 6 Furious 7 Had we not been distracted by 2 and a half men, we might’ve been able to watch the 8th film. The Fate of the Furious But still, a […]

Read more
A journey of weekends

A weekend ticklish

I don’t know whether it’s because my moobs are more sensitive because it’s that time of the month, or because I’m just generally more ticklish, but every shower this weekend has been a rib-tickler.

Read more
This me I be

Trump! Ah shit!

Apparently, and this is cracking me up, I was very gassy the night before last and kept farting myself awake like a dog — trump, act all startled, fall back to sleep!

Read more
A journey of weekends

A weekend that kept to its scheduled number of days

It’s Monday! I know it’s Monday! I’ve known it’s Monday all day! Yay! I even knew yesterday was Sunday! The day before was Saturday! I’m getting proper good with this changing named-days lark. I’ve been trying to remember the last time I went outside. I think it was Friday. I didn’t go out Saturday because […]

Read more
A journey of weekends

A weekend looking out at the sunshine

Despite the lure of a glorious blue sky and what looked like an element of warmth in the sunshine, this flathold stayed in all weekend. Watching TV. So many movies. Lie-ins. A very sedentary life. It’s bloody typical, though — all through that cold and drear I’ve longed for warmth, only for it to arrive […]

Read more
This me I be

Lockdown brings peace, it’s bliss

It’s quiet outside. There are no people walking by and no cars using the street as a shortcut. The students next-door have stopped slamming their doors and the builders over the road have stopped cussing and dropping things. I haven’t heard a dog bark in days. The only life I see are two cats arguing. […]

Read more
A journey of weekends

A weekend pre-lockdown

As predicted, Myles exploded upon discovering I had Mario Kart on the Wii. He has very strict ‘follow me’ and ‘we need to drive on the sand/grass’ rules, which put hitches in winning races. I’ve tweaked a few settings, made the driving a lot easier, and after this lockdown will be getting the kid competitive. […]

Read more
This me I be

Mario Kart, the revival

I’ve loved Mario Kart since the N64. I’m proper good at it. My character is Yoshi. A few (many) years ago, I upgraded to Mario Kart Wii. I thrashed everyone on it. It’s one of the only things that gets me super competitive. People eventually stopped wanting to play with me and Mario Kart got […]

Read more
A journey of weekends

A weekend with a new washing machine

It’s got a delayed start of up to 24 hours. It’s quickest wash is 14 minutes. You can ask it to wash something and go straight on to dry, and it will dry. This new machine shoots the old jumping bean in the face. It’s quickest wash was a speedy 90 minutes. It’s dry setting […]

Read more
This me I be

Yeah, so where the hell did the washing machine go?

So, today I had a new washing machine delivered. Been living here ten years with old jumping bean, but it’s time for a change. I fancied a washing machine that wouldn’t chase me out of the room. It took me a while to unplumb the thing, mainly because everything pissed out water, but once I’d […]

Read more
This me I be

ToO hUnGrY fOr PrOpEr LeTtEr SiZeS

Late breakfast + skipped lunch = Got nought in the cupboard. Got nought in the fridge. Eaten the wallpaper. Eaten the carpet. Currently chewing on the sofa. But thankfully, Shaun has FINALLY got in! He’s got food! Got to wait for the oven. Can smell food. Got to be patient. FEED ME!

Read more
A journey of weekends

A weekend that KO’d the kid

Myles came ’round Saturday after his half term on holiday, fresh from visiting friends. From what I’ve been told, and he doesn’t remember much, there was a lot of running, screaming, and bouncing off walls, driving parents nuts. Still full of beans, he arrived after a mile and a half scoot from the train station, […]

Read more
Mental well-being

This side of the letter is better

Last night, I finished a letter that I don’t intend to send. It’s not a sending sort of letter. It’s the sort of letter that shows that I can articulate my side of the problem. I can get from start to finish coherently. I can keep on track and not get waylaid by additional details. (GO ME!) […]

Read more
This me I be

The Strand, Portsmouth

Long lost and missed. Many a double vodka lime (cordial) washed down by a Fosters (🤢yuck). Many a card game stitched up by Shaun, mocked by the frogs on the Budweiser mural. Many a pre-shift drink before clocking into the nightclub. Many a random stint behind the bar. Second home. Now something called a ‘PSI […]

Read more
A journey of weekends

A weekend parachuting

Living an ear-popping 15 foot (rough guess) above ground level means that cars, specifically Myles’ cars, have a treacherous near-vertical descent to the road whenever they need to catch bad guys, escape dinosaurs, or go to the airport. Over the weeks, many a car has ended up in hospital because they’ve lost grip and plummeted […]

Read more