This me I be

Advice and lip-service — I’m already sweet enough

On the day my funeral assessing role became surplus to requirements and I got the boot, I received advice that was echoed by two people in a position to know. Don’t give up, you’re born to be an assessor. Go for social care assessor roles, your skillset suits it well. Need anything, come to me. […]

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This me I be

The care home/funeral home assessor paradox

If you’ve worked in a care home, you can go on to become a funeral assessor (if the fancy takes you). You don’t need funeral home experience. The care home world and the funeral home world cross-over and are totally related. If you’ve worked in a funeral home, you can’t go on to become a […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend a foot shorter than the tallest nettle

This year, a lot due to Shaun’s shoulder, this covid way of life, and a little because of I-can’t-be-arsed-itus, the allotment has had the attention it’s been used to. Nothing’s been planted. We’ve hardly been to see it. With restrictions lifting, his shoulder mended, and motivation restored, we went to the allotment! And my gosh, […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend with the foxes in the forest

To help Myles with his home-school work (and keep his teachers off his back) we went on a home-school trip to Foxes Forest. We had to find a bird. Find a tree. Spot some grass and find a breeze. And other things, like photographing flowers and leaves. We found lots of trees and birds, and […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend for my half-birthday *

* This half-birthday has taken 12 months! Because 2020 doesn’t really count, I’ve decided that I wasn’t 36 this weekend, I was 35½. I’m not going to be 36 until next June when apparently I’m meant to 37! Shit happens. And the best thing is, my maths works for everyone!

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A journey of weekends

A weekend before the big 3-6

This time next week, I’ll be halfway to 72. With lockdown still happening, although ever so slightly eased, this week has seen a dream for Greek meatballs achieved. Homemade. It turns out, this cooking from scratch lark, is doable. Still can’t cook an egg, though.

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A journey of weekends

A weekend fast & furious

The Fast and the Furious 2 Fast 2 Furious The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift Fast & Furious Fast Five Fast & Furious 6 Furious 7 Had we not been distracted by 2 and a half men, we might’ve been able to watch the 8th film. The Fate of the Furious But still, a […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend ticklish

I don’t know whether it’s because my moobs are more sensitive because it’s that time of the month, or because I’m just generally more ticklish, but every shower this weekend has been a rib-tickler.

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This me I be

Trump! Ah shit!

Apparently, and this is cracking me up, I was very gassy the night before last and kept farting myself awake like a dog — trump, act all startled, fall back to sleep!

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A journey of weekends

A weekend that kept to its scheduled number of days

It’s Monday! I know it’s Monday! I’ve known it’s Monday all day! Yay! I even knew yesterday was Sunday! The day before was Saturday! I’m getting proper good with this changing named-days lark. I’ve been trying to remember the last time I went outside. I think it was Friday. I didn’t go out Saturday because […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend looking out at the sunshine

Despite the lure of a glorious blue sky and what looked like an element of warmth in the sunshine, this flathold stayed in all weekend. Watching TV. So many movies. Lie-ins. A very sedentary life. It’s bloody typical, though — all through that cold and drear I’ve longed for warmth, only for it to arrive […]

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This me I be

Lockdown brings peace, it’s bliss

It’s quiet outside. There are no people walking by and no cars using the street as a shortcut. The students next-door have stopped slamming their doors and the builders over the road have stopped cussing and dropping things. I haven’t heard a dog bark in days. The only life I see are two cats arguing. […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend pre-lockdown

As predicted, Myles exploded upon discovering I had Mario Kart on the Wii. He has very strict ‘follow me’ and ‘we need to drive on the sand/grass’ rules, which put hitches in winning races. I’ve tweaked a few settings, made the driving a lot easier, and after this lockdown will be getting the kid competitive. […]

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This me I be

Mario Kart, the revival

I’ve loved Mario Kart since the N64. I’m proper good at it. My character is Yoshi. A few (many) years ago, I upgraded to Mario Kart Wii. I thrashed everyone on it. It’s one of the only things that gets me super competitive. People eventually stopped wanting to play with me and Mario Kart got […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend with a new washing machine

It’s got a delayed start of up to 24 hours. It’s quickest wash is 14 minutes. You can ask it to wash something and go straight on to dry, and it will dry. This new machine shoots the old jumping bean in the face. It’s quickest wash was a speedy 90 minutes. It’s dry setting […]

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This me I be

Yeah, so where the hell did the washing machine go?

So, today I had a new washing machine delivered. Been living here ten years with old jumping bean, but it’s time for a change. I fancied a washing machine that wouldn’t chase me out of the room. It took me a while to unplumb the thing, mainly because everything pissed out water, but once I’d […]

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This me I be

ToO hUnGrY fOr PrOpEr LeTtEr SiZeS

Late breakfast + skipped lunch = Got nought in the cupboard. Got nought in the fridge. Eaten the wallpaper. Eaten the carpet. Currently chewing on the sofa. But thankfully, Shaun has FINALLY got in! He’s got food! Got to wait for the oven. Can smell food. Got to be patient. FEED ME!

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A journey of weekends

A weekend that KO’d the kid

Myles came ’round Saturday after his half term on holiday, fresh from visiting friends. From what I’ve been told, and he doesn’t remember much, there was a lot of running, screaming, and bouncing off walls, driving parents nuts. Still full of beans, he arrived after a mile and a half scoot from the train station, […]

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Mental well-being

This side of the letter is better

Last night, I finished a letter that I don’t intend to send. It’s not a sending sort of letter. It’s the sort of letter that shows that I can articulate my side of the problem. I can get from start to finish coherently. I can keep on track and not get waylaid by additional details. (GO ME!) […]

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This me I be

The Strand, Portsmouth

Long lost and missed. Many a double vodka lime (cordial) washed down by a Fosters (🤢yuck). Many a card game stitched up by Shaun, mocked by the frogs on the Budweiser mural. Many a pre-shift drink before clocking into the nightclub. Many a random stint behind the bar. Second home. Now something called a ‘PSI […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend parachuting

Living an ear-popping 15 foot (rough guess) above ground level means that cars, specifically Myles’ cars, have a treacherous near-vertical descent to the road whenever they need to catch bad guys, escape dinosaurs, or go to the airport. Over the weeks, many a car has ended up in hospital because they’ve lost grip and plummeted […]

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A journey of weekends

3 years of weekends

When starting this little journey of weekends, I was clutching at something to write. I was looking to slow time, regain control, and remember my life. After the first year, I was surprised it had been better than I’d remembered. I was taken by my bias towards remembering negatively. I was pleased to be proved […]

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Poems

Listen up, kid

Listen up, kid.You’re just starting out — the path’s uneven and the going’s a slog — But you’re in this for the long haul.You’ll have to wing it to win it, and dive and jive and stumble and swerve —But you’ll make it, I promise.I’ll show you the ropes. Run now, you hear?And never look […]

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Poems

Unbreakable

You can tell me I’m worthless,And you can tell me I’m nothing —You can say want you want —I’m unbreakable.

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Poems

Decisions are easy

Decisions are easy when viewed in the dark, They’re so simple when shrouded by night; But when spotlit, it seems, so bright that they gleam, It’s impossible to decide what’s right.

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Poems

The isle of hindsight

This here isle called Hindsight dazzles — it gleams when it catches the light — it is especially splendid at morning and it is especially majestic at night. Pillared by a mountain impressive — so high clouds conceal its peak — Hindsight is snowcapped and heavenly, with thick trees and soft sands of silk. Surrounded by crystal-blue water, caressed by its […]

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