A journey of weekends, Mental wellbeing

A weekend with friends & anger

Saturday saw me put to work on Shaun’s allotment, digging up onions that had flowered and planting new ones. I didn’t work alone. I had the expert assistance of a little person who gave reason to stop often for snacks, hide and seek, and to look at trains. According to Shaun I’m a bad influence on his son. […]

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A customer's rant

Amazon Prime UPDATE

17:55 — it’s arrived!! Goes to show tied hands can be untied with suitable persuasion. I did ask the driver how he managed to find my address after 2 failed attempts but he just shrugged. I don’t think words were his thing. I still don’t recommend Amazon Prime Yeah, you eventually get what you ordered after […]

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A customer's rant

Amazon Prime — a waste of time! They won’t deliver

Amazon delivery ninjas have been back again! They couldn’t gain access… I was at home. No vehicle pulled up outside the property. No card was left. Instruction for the driver to call me once outside the property, not done. Instruction for the driver to leave the package by back porch, not done.   During forty-five […]

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Writing

Distract from distraction

It helps, when you write, if you (well) write. For some reason investigating the turbulent history of cat memes doesn’t write a story — I don’t know why, it’s just true. It’s also true that singing and dancing doesn’t write a story, no matter the tune — again, I’ve no idea why, it’s just the truth. […]

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Writing

I’m a dictation master

Maths saying yo Bob’s doing what the use of Martha pass the worker say trees Siri please Siri Exactly what I dictated… If you can’t tell it’s a bit of Let’s Do It (Let’s Fall In Love). I was practicing dictating so I can get the words all typed up (sort of) as I’m writing […]

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Mental wellbeing

My choices in hindsight — should I regret the bad ones?

No. Regret loves hindsight because hindsight is ever so wonderful, but I’ve never seen hindsight around when the choosing is going down. Afterwards. Only afterwards is hindsight with us with its ‘you should’ve done this’ and ‘if only you’d done that’ opinions but by then it’s too late to matter. What regret and hindsight both forget is that choice doesn’t […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend of cleaning

In a black knee-length number with white half-apron, lace headpiece, and a feather duster — Yakety Sax blaring — I got a great amount of cardio done but not much cleaning. No matter, I just like looking good in my maids outfit.  

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Mental wellbeing, Portsmouth Water

A year from In lieu of care

Freebie forever! I love it. I’m much better. I’d go so far as to say that I’ve reset myself back to my normal, maybe even beyond normal the other way. I’m not as silenced any more — I’m admitting what I’m thinking aloud and it’s liberating. I’m not as caught up any more — life is just too […]

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Vertigo migraines

Blood test FAIL

The nausea isn’t improving much — the dizziness is ongoing. Yesterday turned into a bit of a disaster and ended with another visit to the doctor. I’ve been prescribed new pills, Cinnarizine, signed off another week, and require a blood test to investigate further. Full blood count, glucose, liver profile, kidneys, thyroid… Blood test booked for […]

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Portsmouth Water, Vertigo migraines

Back to work — I survived!!!

I made it all the way through the day, I did! Very proud — touch and go, though. It wasn’t a guarantee. My day began with dry heaving, the type of dry heaving that’s actually you being sick but nothing’s coming up. An hour of it — I ate toast to give myself something to hurl but […]

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Vertigo migraines

Inner ear / Stemetil update

The last Stemetil I took was on Wednesday night — the world is still a bit wobbly, still a bit sickly, but not enough for a tablet. After 4 weeks of this I can safely say that I’m done, sick of it, it can fuck off — being unsteady on my feet I can accept, can use to […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend with a chocolate rabbit

Mmm chocolate. I naturally ate the 2 eggs I bought myself a week ago but I kept the bunny Myles got me and mmm chocolate. I like chocolate, and the chocolate other people get you is the best! For a 2 year old Myles has very good chocolate choosing skills.

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Bullying

Face to face with my bully (almost)

I’d cause to visit The Southern Co-operative Funeralcare today, its hub branch in Fratton — first time I’ve been there in well over a year, and hopefully the last ever. When I die make sure the Co-op doesn’t get my body. They had 5 years of my life, they won’t have me laid out on their racking. Much unchanged — […]

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Mental wellbeing, Writing

Perseverance for coherence

It helps, when you write, if you persevere until you’re clear. When what you write doesn’t make sense, when the very thought of words knots your stomach because you can’t get them from your head, don’t give up even if it feels like your best option. Keep going, keep writing, even if the blank page taunts you […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend with Sloan the slow worm

Meet Sloan, he’s a slow worm. He lives in a vegetable patch under a vegetable patch blanket that keeps him warm, and he likes to do slow worm stuff all day like catching worms and slugs, and avoiding cats. He slithers about because he looks like a snake, but he isn’t a snake — he’s a slow […]

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Writing

Follow your timeline

It helps, when you write, if you follow your timeline. You’ve got your story where this and that happens at certain times on particular days, and you’ve got to get there so you fill in with background and pertinent details, and it just helps if you know how much time you need to explain away. I realised […]

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Vertigo migraines

The hatred of my inner ear, ongoing

I got in a taxi yesterday and that was enough to set everything back off. It was like my visit to the dentist all over again, weaving down the road because I couldn’t walk straight. So to update on what my inner ear dislikes: Dentists Taxis now but I assume cars in general Phone calls […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend flying a kite

Until Saturday I’ve never once managed to make a kite fly — I used to run with it and run with it, and no luck — Myles, on the other hand, (after a little help from Daddy) got the kite flying, doing tricks and all sorts, with very little effort. Eventually, once he fancied his lunch, he handed […]

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Vertigo migraines

Stemetil & my inner ear

So far, I’ve not started lactating, my breasts have not enlarged, I’m not knowingly impotent nor agitated, nor have I lost my menstrual period — the possible side effects of Stemetil are quite something. I still have no balance, I still rock and sway, but as long as I take a Stemetil the sickness goes away, […]

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In memory, Mental wellbeing

March 31st — the date of missing letters

It’s hard not to blame the date. It’s very easy to blame the date and the time, the day, what we were wearing, doing, where we were… It’s very easy to blame it all. None of this is wrong, it’s perfectly natural. It’s because things happen on dates. We’re wearing clothes (probably) and doing stuff someplace when […]

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Vertigo migraines

The dentist & vertigo — not a love story

I’m signed off work — after visiting the dentist I can now very noticeably no longer walk in a straight line, nor stand in one place, nor sit without rocking, nor assure the integrity of my stomach, and all this since I stepped out onto the street after getting a scale and polish. It was a check-up and it’s part of the […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend doing nothing

I did absolutely jack shit besides feeling like crap, writing, and watching movies. I also ate, had a bout of projectile vomit, slept, and had to go to the shop. Jeff came back to the family fold after 4 weeks on the lam — I do wonder what has been achieved. He needs to learn to behave, he’s […]

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Vertigo migraines

Ménière & me

After a week of being practically housebound with any measure of noise and movement enough to set things off I have determined that for Ménière and me, drugs are not the answer — Betahistine, specifically. No. If the doctor tries to prescribe it again I shall be politely telling him where he can shove it. For all it […]

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A journey of weekends, Vertigo migraines

A weekend with my mate Ménière

Because terra firma isn’t exactly firm at the moment, more like a rolling ocean, most of my weekend was spent indoors and trying not to move too quickly for fear of throwing up. For someone who has a violent spasm every time he remembers something, measured motion isn’t easy to achieve. Besides, like whilst being […]

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Things happening

First aid skills in practice

Whilst frying an egg for breakfast this morning — KA BOOM! — it exploded, and the searing hot oil on my fingers was quite a surprise. It was only last week I was speaking with Georgina, a fellow first aider, on how we had to meet up to practice what we’ve learnt. And today here I was at 10am […]

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Mental wellbeing

Dark days

I have my dark days. They are not as dark as the days had once been but they aren’t light filled, aren’t clear and transparent — still thick fog in the dead of night; still lost in a place unknown. They are lonely days. I can’t voice how I feel so no-one can understand, can […]

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Health

Dentist on the 28th, 9am

I need to remember to tell work (if you’re reading, please remind me) that I’ve the dentist on the 28th, 9am. I should really go because I’ve not been since June and after my face exploded (along with a wisdom tooth) I feel it’s my duty to never endure that pain again, so I must! I […]

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Writing

A writer’s New Year in March

For the sake of getting a scene right, it was New Year last night in my house — Auld Lang Syne on repeat for hours and I still don’t know the bloody words. I even celebrated at midnight, popped streamers, a clinked Earl Grey with my reflection. All this to kill the character on the very […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend with the lads

No girls allowed! Not quite a piss-up in Marbella but our lads weekend was just as crazy. On Saturday we went to a track party, built sandcastles, and jumped in puddles. We ate sausage rolls and dunk ’ems, and a little person got covered in chocolate — got it in his hair, on his sleeves, and in his belly. We saw […]

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Portsmouth Water

10 months at Portsmouth Water

I’m learning to not argue with calendars — they’re all liars but I look crazy shouting at them — so in this spirit, it’s been 10 months since I started at Portsmouth Water! That’s nearly a year! A whole year of seasons and days and doing stuff. As I try and take this diary liar as gospel, […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend of reaction

March 1st saw this man I know walk out on my mother — he packed his bag, took 1 dog (the other will “get over it”), said some things, and left. He’s been back a couple of times to collect more things, to say more things, and to leave again — this “step-father” is a revolving […]

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Anger

Anger

I hate anger. Anger actually gets me angry, which isn’t particularly helpful. I don’t achieve anything when I’m angry, can’t achieve because I’m too busy looking sullen and being sarcastic — also, I flap when I’m angry. I flap when I’m flustered, but when I’m angry I’m flapping and marching back and forth, and ranting, and cussing, red faced […]

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Mental wellbeing

The goods & the bads inside

In the sense of mind, it is very easy to focus on the bad and negative and not see any good anywhere at all — hard programmed, almost. Very easy indeed. Indifference Fear Anger Sorrow Resentment Frustration Hate They know no different, the bad. Like hellsome toddlers, the bad only knows how to cause havoc and scream […]

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Mental wellbeing

Nasty people & what they should do

People who can’t bring nice to the world should die — that’s just how I see it, it’s my humble opinion — they should be stifled by their skanky souls, should choke on their nasty, and just generally drop down dead to get forgotten. As a rotting corpse I would find their stench much easier to excuse.

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Mental wellbeing

Problems — the solution?

What is the solution to problems, the deep-seated problems begot by life? Is it running away and hoping they won’t find you, or is it standing up to them and showing them you won’t be beaten? If you run they will follow — how far and how long can you run? If you stay they will fight […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend at the park

Saturday was spent climbing around this adventure play zone at the back of the Clarence pier pub / restaurant. I met up with Jackie and Claire for lunch and Claire’s little Ethan was persuasive in this idea of ‘fun’. It wasn’t too bad. I fit through all the tunnels and I could climb through its […]

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Food

I needed all 9 cupcakes

Earlier today I bought these little cupcakes from Waitrose — 5 chocolate sponge with vanilla cream on top, 4 plain sponge with chocolate cream on top (I fancied a treat) — and I got home, opened the packet, had a plain one, and thought it devilishly nice. Too nice, in fact. I feared I might find […]

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Writing

The excuse of a writer

Like every good writer when I set my mind to a task I see it through to the end. Unfortunately, it isn’t the book but the post manual is coming along great! It’ll soon be finished, though, so I’m in the looking for a new excuse — dread the thought I actually finish my story.

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A journey of weekends, Mental wellbeing

A weekend in the doghouse

I fell out with myself on Saturday — someone let me down and from that, because I know they’re a let down, I gave myself a caning for putting myself through it (again). Stern words, chewed out — I wouldn’t speak to anyone as I choose to speak to myself. As with most rants A begot D and […]

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