Blogging

Lesson 09: Point of view — The naked bear

Lesson 09 is this: A man and a woman walk through the park together, holding hands. They pass an old woman sitting on a bench. The old woman is knitting a small, red sweater. The man begins to cry. Write this scene. Today’s twist: write the scene from three different points of view: from the […]

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Anger

Bad mood worsening

For reasons only my temper knows, I’m getting shitty and shittier and evermore disgruntled. The day’s irritations have mounted, I’m grinding my teeth, clenching my jaw, and have a dead gaze to rival a corpse. I can’t manage words. I can growl and snap but not speak. I can’t manage patience. I just, no. Fuck off. […]

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Events

Manchester attack

Salman Abedi is suspected of Monday’s atrocity. I think a slow hand should be extended because he’s succeeded at nothing. He has caused carnage. He has caused pain. He has taken loved ones away. To what end? No end. He has achieved nothing. Him and his like will always achieve nothing. Pathetic little shits. My thoughts […]

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Blogging

Lesson 08: Death to adverbs — How Fred died with 2 adverbs

Lesson 08 wants me to murder adverbs — no adverbs near this post. Since I get confused with these stupid words I’m using an adverb detector to help me. My excuse, Welsh is my first written language (my second spoken) so my English version is my own take — don’t ask me to speak or write Welsh, I wasn’t […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend of BBQ’ing & hanging

The weather held off sufficiently on Saturday to allow for the first BBQ of the season — a little chilly after the sun fell but we didn’t notice. When I say ‘the weather held off … to allow’ I mean we would’ve gone ahead anyway, just nice not drowning whilst eating our burgers. The BBQ was […]

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Blogging

Lesson 07: Give & take — the writer & the researcher

Lesson 07 asks I contrast 2 things (people, objects, emotions, places, whatever) in dialogue. 2 opposite things, compared. A conversation. The writer & the researcher “You really should be helping me write this post,” the writer said. “I’m researching it,” the researcher replied. “No, you’ve got us on YouTube watching Top Ten Facts videos.” “Well we’re not now and […]

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Anger

Who I am these days now things are different

I am changed. It is an undeniable truth — totes altered, that’s me. You don’t lose close loved ones, get bullied by your manager in the funeral home you work, get forced to defend your grief to your employers, have a breakdown, spiral down, and come out the other side without changing a little. Impossible. I could […]

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Blogging

Lesson 05: Be brief — I was walking down the street

Lesson 05 of learning blogging wants me to be brief. So yep, tonights post (once it’s officially started) will be a short one. I am to imagine that I’ve stumbled upon a random letter, which I’ve read and found deeply affecting. I’m meant to want (like really want) to give this letter back to the person […]

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A journey of weekends, Vertigo migraines

A weekend in lieu of Paris

We’d booked this airbnb place with a view of the Eiffel Tower — I’d already got on the case to find out where things were, how to get there etcetera, and then vertigo’s amateur cousin (I’ve got an acronym, similar to Vestibular Neuritis) came up in here and saw the whole trip dead. Luckily Kayte (who I […]

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Blogging

Lesson 01: Unlock the mind — what’s the purpose of this blog?

I’ve decided that I don’t know what I’m doing — never known — so I’m learning. I’m discovering this blogging business. It’s been 2 years in June, definitely high time. Writing 101: Build a Blogging Habit That’s where I’m starting. Apparently the aim is to get me blogging every day — I don’t know how […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend of birthday drinks & box moving

Last Thursday was my best mate Shaun’s birthday and Saturday night was our night on the town. I can’t say I remember much of our evening or that I functioned much on Sunday — a good night sign! Saturday morning was home-move day for Jackie. I flexed these pecs of mine and hauled around boxes […]

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Blogging

TEST, the return

There is this certainty that had the TEST worked in my favour then I would’ve explained myself sooner — you all would’ve known straight away just how amazingly knowing I am on these technical things that require points to be proved. Unfortunately, the TEST didn’t work out in my favour, it made me a fool (more of one) — this amazing […]

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Death, Writing

Describing grief — very hard

Grief is very hard describe. My main character in Kill The Killer (So I Did) is bereaved and his grief doesn’t flow onto the page easily. And so it shouldn’t. Just because Julian’s grief is fictional it doesn’t make it any less important, any less consuming, any less personal. It is just as real as […]

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A customer's rant

Nationwide — still on your side if you don’t need money

Despite being super certain (and promising) the man from Nationwide ordered my new PIN for the wrong account again! YOU KIDDING ME? Another 3 to 5 working day wait. How many is that now? So that’s, what? — oh yeah, 3 BLOODY WEEKS!! I’m beginning to take this personally. Georgina, the manager of the Nationwide branch in Portsmouth, called […]

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A journey of weekends, Mental wellbeing

A weekend with friends & anger

Saturday saw me put to work on Shaun’s allotment, digging up onions that had flowered and planting new ones. I didn’t work alone. I had the expert assistance of a little person who gave reason to stop often for snacks, hide and seek, and to look at trains. According to Shaun I’m a bad influence on his son. […]

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A customer's rant

Amazon Prime UPDATE

17:55 — it’s arrived!! Goes to show tied hands can be untied with suitable persuasion. I did ask the driver how he managed to find my address after 2 failed attempts but he just shrugged. I don’t think words were his thing. I still don’t recommend Amazon Prime Yeah, you eventually get what you ordered after […]

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A customer's rant

Amazon Prime — a waste of time! They won’t deliver

Amazon delivery ninjas have been back again! They couldn’t gain access… I was at home. No vehicle pulled up outside the property. No card was left. Instruction for the driver to call me once outside the property, not done. Instruction for the driver to leave the package by back porch, not done.   During forty-five […]

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Writing

Distract from distraction

It helps, when you write, if you (well) write. For some reason investigating the turbulent history of cat memes doesn’t write a story — I don’t know why, it’s just true. It’s also true that singing and dancing doesn’t write a story, no matter the tune — again, I’ve no idea why, it’s just the truth. […]

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Writing

I’m a dictation master

Maths saying yo Bob’s doing what the use of Martha pass the worker say trees Siri please Siri Exactly what I dictated… If you can’t tell it’s a bit of Let’s Do It (Let’s Fall In Love). I was practicing dictating so I can get the words all typed up (sort of) as I’m writing […]

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Mental wellbeing

My choices in hindsight — should I regret the bad ones?

No. Regret loves hindsight because hindsight is ever so wonderful, but I’ve never seen hindsight around when the choosing is going down. Afterwards. Only afterwards is hindsight with us with its ‘you should’ve done this’ and ‘if only you’d done that’ opinions but by then it’s too late to matter. What regret and hindsight both forget is that choice doesn’t […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend of cleaning

In a black knee-length number with white half-apron, lace headpiece, and a feather duster — Yakety Sax blaring — I got a great amount of cardio done but not much cleaning. No matter, I just like looking good in my maids outfit.  

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Mental wellbeing, Portsmouth Water

A year from In lieu of care

Freebie forever! I love it. I’m much better. I’d go so far as to say that I’ve reset myself back to my normal, maybe even beyond normal the other way. I’m not as silenced any more — I’m admitting what I’m thinking aloud and it’s liberating. I’m not as caught up any more — life is just too […]

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Vertigo migraines

Blood test FAIL

The nausea isn’t improving much — the dizziness is ongoing. Yesterday turned into a bit of a disaster and ended with another visit to the doctor. I’ve been prescribed new pills, Cinnarizine, signed off another week, and require a blood test to investigate further. Full blood count, glucose, liver profile, kidneys, thyroid… Blood test booked for […]

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Portsmouth Water, Vertigo migraines

Back to work — I survived!!!

I made it all the way through the day, I did! Very proud — touch and go, though. It wasn’t a guarantee. My day began with dry heaving, the type of dry heaving that’s actually you being sick but nothing’s coming up. An hour of it — I ate toast to give myself something to hurl but […]

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Vertigo migraines

Inner ear / Stemetil update

The last Stemetil I took was on Wednesday night — the world is still a bit wobbly, still a bit sickly, but not enough for a tablet. After 4 weeks of this I can safely say that I’m done, sick of it, it can fuck off — being unsteady on my feet I can accept, can use to […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend with a chocolate rabbit

Mmm chocolate. I naturally ate the 2 eggs I bought myself a week ago but I kept the bunny Myles got me and mmm chocolate. I like chocolate, and the chocolate other people get you is the best! For a 2 year old Myles has very good chocolate choosing skills.

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Bullying

Face to face with my bully (almost)

I’d cause to visit The Southern Co-operative Funeralcare today, its hub branch in Fratton — first time I’ve been there in well over a year, and hopefully the last ever. When I die make sure the Co-op doesn’t get my body. They had 5 years of my life, they won’t have me laid out on their racking. Much unchanged — […]

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Mental wellbeing, Writing

Perseverance for coherence

It helps, when you write, if you persevere until you’re clear. When what you write doesn’t make sense, when the very thought of words knots your stomach because you can’t get them from your head, don’t give up even if it feels like your best option. Keep going, keep writing, even if the blank page taunts you […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend with Sloan the slow worm

Meet Sloan, he’s a slow worm. He lives in a vegetable patch under a vegetable patch blanket that keeps him warm, and he likes to do slow worm stuff all day like catching worms and slugs, and avoiding cats. He slithers about because he looks like a snake, but he isn’t a snake — he’s a slow […]

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Writing

Follow your timeline

It helps, when you write, if you follow your timeline. You’ve got your story where this and that happens at certain times on particular days, and you’ve got to get there so you fill in with background and pertinent details, and it just helps if you know how much time you need to explain away. I realised […]

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Vertigo migraines

The hatred of my inner ear, ongoing

I got in a taxi yesterday and that was enough to set everything back off. It was like my visit to the dentist all over again, weaving down the road because I couldn’t walk straight. So to update on what my inner ear dislikes: Dentists Taxis now but I assume cars in general Phone calls […]

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A journey of weekends

A weekend flying a kite

Until Saturday I’ve never once managed to make a kite fly — I used to run with it and run with it, and no luck — Myles, on the other hand, (after a little help from Daddy) got the kite flying, doing tricks and all sorts, with very little effort. Eventually, once he fancied his lunch, he handed […]

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Vertigo migraines

Stemetil & my inner ear

So far, I’ve not started lactating, my breasts have not enlarged, I’m not knowingly impotent nor agitated, nor have I lost my menstrual period — the possible side effects of Stemetil are quite something. I still have no balance, I still rock and sway, but as long as I take a Stemetil the sickness goes away, […]

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In memory, Mental wellbeing

March 31st — the date of missing letters

It’s hard not to blame the date. It’s very easy to blame the date and the time, the day, what we were wearing, doing, where we were… It’s very easy to blame it all. None of this is wrong, it’s perfectly natural. It’s because things happen on dates. We’re wearing clothes (probably) and doing stuff someplace when […]

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