It’s almost been too long — it’s that time again! Let me hear a whoop whoop!
Well, the heat and Tuesday’s bad mood have conspired to bring about a vertigo migraine. Yippee! Nausea has my heart always. And in this spirit of romance, today I took my lover to the cinema. I would’ve preferred being reclined on the sofa. Actually, I would’ve preferred no migraine, but I can’t have everything. I […]
Read moreA weekend too nice to drive
Saturday was too nice a day to be heading to the allotment by car. This place can be visited on foot and with cider. So this is what I did. It took a little over an hour and I was in desperate need of a piss by the time I got there. En route, I […]
Read moreI want to say something
I want to say something I’ve got so much on my mind But these thoughts don’t have the words to speak that do not sound like lies They sound like my delusions Like confusion with life itself Aloud they sound like I have fallen off my lucid shelf But I do not think that decent […]
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The windscreen washer jets arrived!
Erm… what?
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Bertie’s first ouchy
I’m 2 months into driving my very first car. (I know! I’ve kept that quiet.) And I think today was as good a day as any to misjudge my width, smack a parked car’s wing mirror, and get my own mirror dangling out like an eye popped out of its socket.
Read moreA weekend neither driving nor cooking
There was a vague threat of a road trip to Nuneaton (to collect Jackie and her new lodger) but it was only vague, and I’d found myself the best parking spot, so I wasn’t moving the car for nothing. Because living so near to Palmerston Road has its perks, this weekend was the Southsea Food […]
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The creepy YouTube videos weren’t the best night-time viewing idea
I shouldn’t have spent the last 2 hours watching creepy YouTube videos. Ghosts caught on CCTV. Unexplained spooky things. Creatures. Creepy, creepy creatures. Disappearances — POOF! It all seemed like a good idea at the time but now I’m done, my back’s a’tingle, my ears pricked — it doesn’t help that I keep hearing scratching. I assume […]
Read moreI know you actually saw me
I know you actually saw me, we caught each other’s gaze I even heard you as you passed me muttering out my name You looked a little sullen beneath that veneer so good You looked like life is rough and strife and for you, m’dear, it should But then maybe I’m mistaken, I didn’t see […]
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Unn penn-seythen yn Gernow *
* Likely a bad translation of: A weekend in Cornwall Otherwise known as: Road trip to Kayte’s!! Yes, this ray of sunshine has now driven all the way to Cornwall and back again.
Read moreToday with that machine and a new attitude
I strolled into work this morning and right up to that machine. I looked it square in the window and said, “We’re going to have a good day today.” I stepped to the left head and said, “You’ve only got to worry about this trolley and this side.” I stepped to the right head and said, […]
Read moreToday’s new and improved anger management technique was a success in that I didn’t get a migraine
I had to succumb to a broken spirit, but I didn’t get a migraine. WIN! (Kinda) I had to fall so far that I lost hope, fell into a routine — died inside. It’s a similar place to where you go when you’re a kid and your parents are having a blazing row. Withdraw. It’s just […]
Read moreA weekend sweltering
I don’t want to sound typically British and complain about the weather, but I would like a nice downpour to reset the air, and then we may continue with this impressive heatwave. It’s just relentless. On Saturday, having given myself a migraine on Friday, I didn’t get up ’til 11. Migraines proper wipe me out. […]
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I’ve given myself a migraine
There’s a name for people like me: TWAT!
Read moreNausea and heat don’t mix
Fuck me, I feel sick. I think it’s dehydration. I know not drinking enough water can set about a vertigo migraine but too much water can set up a vertigo migraine. I find myself in a very difficult position because the just right amount of water doesn’t exist. And I drink water. Lots of water. […]
Read moreA weekend alone
After last weekend’s fun and games, this weekend was the polar opposite. Because other people drain after a while, I got all my being social in person done and dusted by Saturday lunchtime. Although, via text and call I remained available throughout. Because the world outside is too hive and no chill, I kept excursions […]
Read moreSomething about something that’ll help install my new car radio
For my birthday, Shaun got me a new car radio, upgrading Bertie from cassettes to USB. In preparation for installing the radio, Shaun asked me to look up something pertinent to the task in mind. I remember it distinctly: It was yesterday, we were at work, chatting about the radio, and he told me to […]
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A weekend Amsterdamned
Alongside tulips and cheese, there’s weed and prostitutes to be had in Amsterdam. Unfortunately, the vast majority of the prostitutes were of the wrong gender for me, it’s out of season for tulips, and I’m not a big fan of cheese, so I was left with weed. So much gange, marijuana, you give it a […]
Read moreThis time I’ll be different
I like to think (I’m almost sure) That all I’ve done, I could’ve done more I could’ve completed (LOL what a laugh) Something I started, not barely done half
Read moreThe car service low down
To be honest, it was a lot of me nodding my head. I kind’a got the gist of things, I’m not stupid, and most of it I’d worked out anyway, in roundabout ways, but it’s all new. All strange. All very car mechanics, and besides getting slightly turned on by a greased up hunk in […]
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A weekend ’cause it was my birthday
34 years ago, my mother screamed and screamed, and carried on like murder, and then I popped out screaming and screaming and carrying on like murder. It is for this reason that I refuse to work on my birthday. That, and I had an interview for the Co-op for a full-time position many years back, on […]
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It’s vertigo migraine time! YAY! Woop woop! I’m so damn pleased
Well, this weeks vertigo migraine is fast taking up the whole week. If I get a say, it can go fuck itself. It can take its dizziness and nausea and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. I have neither the time nor patience to put up with this crap. But put up with it I […]
Read moreA weekend after a road trip to Wales
Heading off to Wales for 3 days was full of purpose. It was my first proper long distance drive since buying Bertie. 190-odd miles to my father, 15 to my mother, 180-odd back. I loved every minute. Bertie’s oil warning light issue was the only, well, issue. It was my first chance to freely travel […]
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Driving day 27 — homeward bound, the return home
Well, I’m home-home! My home — the place where I live. Not where my parents live. I call that home, too. It can get all very confusing. 180-something miles. 3 and a bit hours. It flew by. Bertie’s oil warning kept warning me and then not warning me, fickle shit — I got an experienced driver to […]
Read moreDriving day 24 — homeward bound
From the sunny southern coast of England to the drizzly southern valleys of Wales — it took a little longer than advertised but I made it! I’m at my father’s. Going to my mother’s tomorrow. The drive was going great until a mile before the Membury Services, M4. I was feeling out the name of […]
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A long weekend that actually felt like a bank holiday
Unlike most other bank holidays that whizz by like as if they’re shorter than a regular weekend, this one took its sweet sweet time. It actually took its days as gorgeous, sunny days should; lazily. It all began on Friday after work. After popping to the allotment to do a spot of watering, I spent […]
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A weekend avoiding some wedding
I wouldn’t say I’m anti-Royal, I quite like them, really. They don’t bother me. It’s just that if Prince Harry got married to Meghan on a weekday, and this day was made into a Bank Holiday, then I’d be all other their celebrations. I’d be WOOP WOOP WEDDING!!!! (I am often inappropriate in church) But […]
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Driving day 13 — a trip to Granny’s house
But she wasn’t in so we went to the beach
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Driving days 7, 8, 9 & 10 — I’m now in my 2nd week!
I can’t imagine life without a car. Hang on, yes I can…
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A weekend with a car
Milestone after milestone! Physical miles. To Brighton, Portchester, Tesco (thrice), Shaun’s — I’ve even had my back seat down and carried a TV stand home. My Brighton journey was a fun journey, I quite liked it — people I’ve told have thought it strange I didn’t stop in Brighton but it was pissing it down, I didn’t […]
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Driving day 6 — road trip to Brighton
Armed with my sat-nav and tunes, I took my Polo to Brighton for no real reason other than to drive back home again. 110 miles — the A27 to Worthing, the sea road to Brighton, and up and back via the A27. Now, I’ve been chauffeured along most of this route in the past so it wasn’t […]
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Driving days 4 & 5 — getting into the swing of this driving lark
I’ve got my commute to work down to 22 minutes — is that an improvement on 1 h 30 m? I think so. I’d a low C in GCSE Maths but even I can math-out some sort of saving here. Also, I’ve learnt time telling so I can see it, too. To say it has […]
Read moreDriving days 2 & 3 — heading to work
Instantly, having a car seems so natural, so helpful, so always been. All those years of not having a car seem so alien. It’s been barely 55 hours since buying my car and it’s like decades have gone by already. All those years of foot travel now obscured by the haze of the past. Before […]
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A long weekend that saw me leave in a taxi and drive home in a car
The weekend began like most weekends, I woke up. Back in those days, I used my feet to get places so they were probably shredded, the sheets bloody, and I was writhing in pain. Saturday saw me on the hunt for Shaun’s birthday present, traipsing from Waitrose to Tesco, and thinking I should’ve just gone […]
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Driving day 1 — road trip to Bindley Heath, Lingfield
To get there, Shaun drove, and it was all very confident and direct. A3, M25, the junction after Gatwick. We made good time and it was effortless. More so for me, obvs, ’cause ‘passenger’.
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A weekend in Newcastle
Having friends and family dotted around the place gives excuses to visit. Like Kayte down in Cornwall = HOLIDAY!!! Like Jo up in London = HOLIDAY!!! Like Laura up in Newcastle = HOLIDAY!!! And so visit I have, and visiting I still am. I don’t get up here as often as maybe I should, although […]
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A weekend of Tony & Paul
Paying their old Uni home a visit, this weekend with Tony and Paul was always destined to be pub-orientated.
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2 years on from ‘In lieu of care’
It has been 2 years since I was freed from The Southern Co-operative Funeralcare and their warped sense of compassion, and if it hadn’t been for Facebook’s ‘On this day’ reminder then I wouldn’t have even noticed — I think that’s progression right there.
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Used car salesmen, what I’ve discovered
Thus far, not a fan
Read moreThis need to be patient can go fuck itself
It feels mighty odd not having a driving lesson this week because, you know, I passed my driving test.
Read moreDentist day
Sat in my dental surgery after a recent change in ownership. It’s nice to see they’ve kept
Read moreA weekend as a new driver
Felt a lot like walking, if I’m honest. No car!!! With Shaun on the case, I’m sure this state of affairs won’t last long. I’m lucky he knows what I want because I don’t. Having looked through insurance, which seems reasonably priced, I find some of the questions they ask are unnecessarily shruggable. I don’t […]
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Driving test day…
Did I pass or fail???
Read moreDriving lesson 16 — the day before my test
Barely 14 hours to go!!!
Read moreA weekend of being like super productive
After a week throttled, stabbed, and booted in the nuts by vertigo, this weekend was highly productive. Like super productive. Like oh my god…
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The anatomy of a car
Knowing what’s what and where in and around your vehicle is as helpful as knowing where your toes are compared to your nipples. Not necessarily vital knowledge but a knowledge that can serve well.
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Driving lesson 15 — test routes
“If I say nothing, straight on.”
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The looming prospect of driving — my test is a week today!!! 😱😱😱
This time next week I’ll either be a bona fide driver, with my green provisional being whisked off to the DVLA to be resprayed pink, or I’ll have failed on something stupid and looking to rebook my test. One or the other. It would make my life easier if I passed first time — well, […]
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A long weekend egg hunting
Myles is now of the age to enjoy a good egg hunt. He loves them so much that he needs to partake in lots and lots of egg hunts. It’s an unofficial count of 40 on Easter Sunday — it would’ve been an official count but I forgot to count. The hardest part was finding […]
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It’s March 31st again
This date looms in the calendar. 11:20(ish) a.m.. 3 years ago today he left us when he should’ve been allowed to stay. He was such a wonderful man, and I’m not just saying this because I’m biased. He was a much better man than me. And 3 years on, it feels like it’s been barely […]
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Driving lesson 14 — RAIN!!!
🎶 Drip drip drop it was pissing, pouring, falling to the ground, double stopping distance 🎶
(Loosely to the tune of ‘Drip drip drop little April showers’.)
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