This me I be
Having an issue is all well and good as long as you can voice it well enough to make sense. It doesn’t work if the issue trips out of your mouth like nonsense. I get funny looks as I mash how I feel into gloop with my lips, and I end up very quickly giving […]
Read moreIt started mildly with a mild migraine, that sensation that I’m about 30 minutes away all day. Very meh feeling, exaserbating other things that make me feel meh. Gloomy gus. I’m starting a new job soon YAY! Very different. More me. Finding the thought daunting. I’ve never assessed someone in a funeral home before. Arranged […]
Read moreI drove to Wales on Friday and enjoyed a lovely detour over the heads of the valleys. Before the freedom of the countryside, I felt the bustle of humanity as we crawled along the M4 behind an abnormally wide load convoy being moved at rush hour. Great fun. I’ve told my mother that I’m never […]
Read moreI ate the M&Ms
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On a whim, I bought a 4 pack of rolos, but that was last week. I was surprised by how short they’d got! Proper shrunk. Sat here, I really fancy a rolo. I had a rolo earlier you see, only 2, the end of tube 3. 4 – 3 = 1 Yippee! But no rolos […]
Read moreOnions, picked Carrots, plucked. Potatoes, dug up. Rhubarb, tamed. The only things left on the allotment are courgettes, pumpkins, and nettles. For the latter, we’re at war. As of Friday evening, Shaun and I have reclaimed (most of) our paths, lined with carpet, and spent what felt like a decade laying wood chips. Wheelbarrow after […]
Read moreAugust bank holiday means Victorious Festival, which means I can’t park the car if I move it. So Thursday night, I found a parking space and left the car there until this morning. I figured I could walk everywhere, it would be novel. On Friday afternoon I met up with Shaun, Myles, and the rest […]
Read moreI’ve got a lot of shit done. Not my course work, but doorknobs changed, laptop trays fixed, I’ve even cleaned in crannies I hadn’t noticed before I’d donned my marigolds. I kept telling myself that I’ve got to do this so I’ve got no excuse. Well, it was just excuse after excuse, really.
Read moreI like Autumn. I like good old fashioned Welsh Autumns, wall-to-wall rain. Not these fancy new windy Autumns in Summer. I’m not a fan of wind (musses my hair). We had a lot of wind. Not much rain. Can’t see the point. On Saturday, I was going to head into town but got blown halfway […]
Read moreMy mother has been waiting for her heart valve replacement operation like an inmate on death row. The fact she’s a nurse and knows this sort of business has added a few death sentences I’m sure. She kept telling me that she was going to die on the operating table, and I kept telling her […]
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If you’ve ever been to my home then you know about the pole and tassel set, but unlike my raunchy welcome, I spent Saturday stripping wallpaper. I had this steam woosher and a scraping thing, and it wasn’t the best job. It was awful. I had tit sweat and everything. On Sunday, I was planning […]
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The actual booze-up only lasted a few hours but recovery remains ongoing. It was Jade and Dan’s wedding, and considering they’d made the effort to come over from Australia, I could walk the 100-or-so-yards from my home and get pissed. HAPPY MARRIAGE! I don’t remember much of the night. I remember meeting up with Shaun, […]
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Ever since the dawn of time (at least it feels since then) I’ve been writing something called a ‘person-centred approach to death and dying progression assignment’ — happy stuff! Since I don’t like mentioning things I’ve not finished — I’M DONE!!! I got done last weekend and I’ve been spending all this time trying to […]
Read moreOkay, ‘horticulturist’ might be a bit strong, I finally got ’round to repotting my spider plant after 6 years and I gave it some fancy stones. Its new home is about 4 times the size of the original, and I want to see if its roots have noticed. I’m thinking that I probably should’ve teased […]
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I! LOVE! P!NK! I love her only a little less than Betty White, but there’s no-one I can love more than Betty. P!NK!!!! I saw her on her Funhouse Tour and she was bloody amazing! She barely had her feet on stage she was flinging herself around so vigorously. Throwing herself off something high, swinging […]
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No balance. Headache, but can’t do anything about that because: Nausea. Putting my poorly masked hostility aside, this is the first proper migraine since before Easter. Oh, there have been little ones here and there but nothing like this bastard. It all started with funny eyes last Thursday, the joke apparently me. Funny eyes need […]
Read moreThanks to all the rain I’ve been able to neglect my allotment duties, but after a fortnight of not seeing the place, I thought I should pay a visit. So I did, Saturday. In a word: Jungle. The potato plots, sheer madness. The courgettes have exploded. The onions are like towering stalks, sunflower high (not […]
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I chilled. I probably chilled too much because now I ache. But I felt allowed to chill because I now know that I’m not as unfit as I’d suspected. Unhealthy, maybe. Unfit, no. I went to the Longleat Center Parcs with my father when I was like 9 and loved it. I remember the water […]
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IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY!!! So very old now. Ancient. I split my weekend between having ‘Happy Birthday’ sung at me and packing ready for Center Parcs.. It’s been a nicely chilled affair. Much needed before this week of action ahead…
Read moreSaturday began with a rush on chores — PANIC STATIONS! GET IT DONE! BUSY! BUSY! BUSY! I hate chores. After waiting for the washing machine to final finish, I was out the door, picking up MEAT, and heading to Shaun’s. As his father-in-law sanded-down and re-painted the front door (it was nice to see him […]
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My life, overall, is this: I wake up, usually feeling like shit, and I force down a small bowl of Weetos. The cuppa slides down like a dream. I hike to the car and wonder why people can’t drive at 7am, and get to work where I find another cuppa awaits me. I do work, […]
Read moreJackie was first, jetting in from the Mediterranean. Shaun and Myles came next, cruising home from the West Country. Then came Kayte, limping in after a 29-mile charity walk. And then finally me, I rocked up with my bat hand (still) having had some self-induced nausea that turned into a migraine. I’m getting the low-down […]
Read moreI don’t know how I voice all that I don’t know how to sayThe thoughts inside my head aren’t quite the words inside my brainAll is very ordered ’til I open trap to say… Almost nearly got it — I’d forgot they weren’t the same
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The two Chief Allotmenters, Shaun & Myles, are currently on their jollies leaving lowly old me in charge. There’s going to be dead onions or murdered marrows — something is bound to happen. Anyway, before I know the damage of what I’ve done, I weeded, watered, and planted courgettes. I find weeding is thankless, watering […]
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Since Easter weekend, my left hand, or more accurately every joint on my left hand, has been either a dull sort of numbness or absolute fucking agony. Sometimes, it’s been on FIRE! Through it’s day-to-day usage, I’ve either been wincing slightly or having to react like this: By the end of last week, my hand […]
Read moreThere’s not much to say on the subject other than I’VE BEEN DRIVING FOR 1-YEAR!!! I may have passed my test a little back in April, but today’s the day (a year ago) that Shaun drove me to some place outside Crawley and I drove back in a car. I’ve done about 9,000-miles, and although […]
Read moreOther than a few drinks and the allotment to celebrate Shaun’s birthday, and popping to the shop, I’ve been at home doing homework all weekend. I’ve got to give a presentation on the culture of death in Mexico on Wesdnesday. I’ve been doing my best work last minute again.
Read moreI don’t articulate myself very well. When it comes to the little things — the weightless feelings — I get diarrhoea and can’t shut up, so I’ve got no issue here. Other people might have one, though, but I don’t. When it comes to the big things — the massive feelings — I get tongue-tied, […]
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Should someone turn to me all snooty-nosed to utter, “Aged 34, you’re a little old for a ‘sleepover’, aren’t you?” I’d agree thus: ‘Cause no-one’s ever too old for that. Saturday was meant to see Shaun, Myles, and me paddle-boarding at a local watersports-festival-come-bike-race, but Storm Hannah had other plans. Due to her high winds, […]
Read moreI don’t like a late Easter. I like Easter in late March / early April, when it should be, when I start thinking that I need a 4-day weekend for a bunny. As an apology for being late, I’m glad to see the weekend was warm. Friday cracked out the shorts, ate a Toby Carvery […]
Read moreCoincidentally, it’s the same weekend, 7 years ago, that I vowed to never arrange another stag do ever again. I remember the weeks and months leading up to Newquay started with me being a very gracious best man and ended with me giving stern words and ultimatums. (There’s always one who agrees to everything but […]
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It all started with the crazy idea I had of driving up to see Laura in Newcastle. From Portsmouth, 340-odd miles. This idea grew into also visiting my parents in Wales, since I haven’t seen them in a while. I had a week off work — it seemed like a brilliant idea! I perused the […]
Read moreVisiting the parents… It’s like the twilight zone – need a sedative.
Read moreA day like today requires a quiet moment. It requires a little peace and pause. It requires the unashamed silence of love. At least, a day like today is for memory. 4 years doesn’t seem like time while it seems like forever. 4 years doesn’t amount to much while it adds up to everything. 4 […]
Read moreGot shit to do and here I am chatting on FaceBook, singing along to P!NK (got’a get ready for June), and now writing a post. Procrastinate much? Food won’t cook itself. Washing won’t hang itself. A suitcase won’t pack itself. I won’t get clean if I don’t get in the bath. But I’m chatting on […]
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Because, at long last, this year’s got Spring in its step, it is potato and onion planting time at the allotment! And Saturday’s job list was quick to say, ergo quick to do: Renew 2 plot-surrounds with Shaun’s fancy only-need-to-screw-together woodwork skills. Decant 3 compost bins over 6 plots. Plant onions in 4 plots, and […]
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SAFETY FIRST!!! Goggles, ✔︎ Lab coat ✔︎ Latex free gloves ✘ (Got me latex ones.) May I continue? Test tubes ✔︎ Bunsen burner ✔︎ Scrap of paper for scientific notations ✔︎ What I’m science’ing ✔︎ IT’S EXPERIMENT TIME!! With the wind howling a gale outside, Jackie and I wanted to prove that a 17-storey high-rise […]
Read more‘Cause I’z filthy
Read moreFor a 4-year-old, his doghouse is cold!
Read moreSat here bawling my eyes out because I’ve battled all day with vertigo and nausea, picked my little man up from nursery, snapped at him, and sent myself home because I can’t cope. Sat here thinking about my only 2-hours with him that I ruined. Sat here wishing this wasn’t me. And the really irritating […]
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(I hope from the nondescript whoever reclining on a big green tick you infer ‘SUCCESS!’…)
Read moreLast week, life was a featureless plain. It was me amongst this bland flatness. Mighty bleak. Mighty lonely, too, ’cause I’m a boring piece of shit. Sullen mope. Utter failure. Why even breathe? So fucking pointless. Frustration. And then on Thursday, while in work trying to coax these electrical boards out of the machine, I […]
Read more‘Cause of that damn spider on Saturday my poor little pinky still looks deformed ’cause it’s bloated between 2 knuckles and looks like a balloon on top. It’s also a touch flushed, stingy and itchy still. The one thing it isn’t doing, other than being better, is driving me up the fucking wall! I’m going […]
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I awoke Saturday with 10 fingers and ended the morning with 9.
Read moreSince beginning this driving lark nearly a year ago (yeah, a year! I know! 😲) I’ve been checking my oil, coolant, and screen wash levels roughly when I’ve remembered. On the yoozh, this is when the screen wash has gone and I’ve opened the bonnet, VIOLA! (I like to be smug when possible.) When it […]
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In my bag there is a box. There are many boxes and lots of pill strips. That’s all I carry around now. Pills and glasses. And exactly how old am I? 34 going on 90. Anyway, there’s this particular box, and particular pill strip, that’s named The Emergency Stop Pill. It’s got some fancy unpronounceable […]
Read moreMigraine —
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Originally, this weekend was to celebrate Betty White’s 97th birthday. I’m a super fan. Totally adore the old broad. I once flew all the way to LA to see her. Because she’s basically a distant relative, the Betty White marathon I had planned got forgot. I totally unremembered. I ended up having a Poirot marathon […]
Read moreUsually, when I’m with Kayte we don’t achieve. We have every intention but one thing soon leads to excuses and we get nowhere. We have to book or be so committed our excuses suck to get places. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule. This weekend, with Kayte’s visit, we booked cinema tickets. Having […]
Read moreIt was fucking cold. When with heating, it was fucking hot. And it went too quick. It’s true, when it comes to temperature, I’m inclined to overreact. I’m not as fat as I used to be, and I no longer walk in and out of mortuaries all day long, and sometimes it’s the only thing […]
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Adventures in the life of an English allotment
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