Jackie was first, jetting in from the Mediterranean. Shaun and Myles came next, cruising home from the West Country. Then came Kayte, limping in after a 29-mile charity walk. And then finally me, I rocked up with my bat hand (still) having had some self-induced nausea that turned into a migraine. I’m getting the low-down […]
Read moreAlmost nearly got it
I don’t know how I voice all that I don’t know how to sayThe thoughts inside my head aren’t quite the words inside my brainAll is very ordered ’til I open trap to say… Almost nearly got it — I’d forgot they weren’t the same
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A weekend in charge of the allotment
The two Chief Allotmenters, Shaun & Myles, are currently on their jollies leaving lowly old me in charge. There’s going to be dead onions or murdered marrows — something is bound to happen. Anyway, before I know the damage of what I’ve done, I weeded, watered, and planted courgettes. I find weeding is thankless, watering […]
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Me and my bat hand
Since Easter weekend, my left hand, or more accurately every joint on my left hand, has been either a dull sort of numbness or absolute fucking agony. Sometimes, it’s been on FIRE! Through it’s day-to-day usage, I’ve either been wincing slightly or having to react like this: By the end of last week, my hand […]
Read moreI’VE BEEN DRIVING FOR 1-YEAR!!!
There’s not much to say on the subject other than I’VE BEEN DRIVING FOR 1-YEAR!!! I may have passed my test a little back in April, but today’s the day (a year ago) that Shaun drove me to some place outside Crawley and I drove back in a car. I’ve done about 9,000-miles, and although […]
Read moreA long weekend of homework
Other than a few drinks and the allotment to celebrate Shaun’s birthday, and popping to the shop, I’ve been at home doing homework all weekend. I’ve got to give a presentation on the culture of death in Mexico on Wesdnesday. I’ve been doing my best work last minute again.
Read moreFeeling mute — how my editing of words is a problem
I don’t articulate myself very well. When it comes to the little things — the weightless feelings — I get diarrhoea and can’t shut up, so I’ve got no issue here. Other people might have one, though, but I don’t. When it comes to the big things — the massive feelings — I get tongue-tied, […]
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A weekend at a sleepover
Should someone turn to me all snooty-nosed to utter, “Aged 34, you’re a little old for a ‘sleepover’, aren’t you?” I’d agree thus: ‘Cause no-one’s ever too old for that. Saturday was meant to see Shaun, Myles, and me paddle-boarding at a local watersports-festival-come-bike-race, but Storm Hannah had other plans. Due to her high winds, […]
Read moreA long weekend for a tardy Easter
I don’t like a late Easter. I like Easter in late March / early April, when it should be, when I start thinking that I need a 4-day weekend for a bunny. As an apology for being late, I’m glad to see the weekend was warm. Friday cracked out the shorts, ate a Toby Carvery […]
Read moreA weekend 7 years after Shaun’s stag-do
Coincidentally, it’s the same weekend, 7 years ago, that I vowed to never arrange another stag do ever again. I remember the weeks and months leading up to Newquay started with me being a very gracious best man and ended with me giving stern words and ultimatums. (There’s always one who agrees to everything but […]
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A weekend after an absolute tankload of driving
It all started with the crazy idea I had of driving up to see Laura in Newcastle. From Portsmouth, 340-odd miles. This idea grew into also visiting my parents in Wales, since I haven’t seen them in a while. I had a week off work — it seemed like a brilliant idea! I perused the […]
Read moreA weekend mothering
Visiting the parents… It’s like the twilight zone – need a sedative.
Read more31 March – this time it’s a Sunday
A day like today requires a quiet moment. It requires a little peace and pause. It requires the unashamed silence of love. At least, a day like today is for memory. 4 years doesn’t seem like time while it seems like forever. 4 years doesn’t amount to much while it adds up to everything. 4 […]
Read moreRight, okay
Got shit to do and here I am chatting on FaceBook, singing along to P!NK (got’a get ready for June), and now writing a post. Procrastinate much? Food won’t cook itself. Washing won’t hang itself. A suitcase won’t pack itself. I won’t get clean if I don’t get in the bath. But I’m chatting on […]
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A weekend of work hard, play hard
Because, at long last, this year’s got Spring in its step, it is potato and onion planting time at the allotment! And Saturday’s job list was quick to say, ergo quick to do: Renew 2 plot-surrounds with Shaun’s fancy only-need-to-screw-together woodwork skills. Decant 3 compost bins over 6 plots. Plant onions in 4 plots, and […]
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A weekend of science
SAFETY FIRST!!! Goggles, ✔︎ Lab coat ✔︎ Latex free gloves ✘ (Got me latex ones.) May I continue? Test tubes ✔︎ Bunsen burner ✔︎ Scrap of paper for scientific notations ✔︎ What I’m science’ing ✔︎ IT’S EXPERIMENT TIME!! With the wind howling a gale outside, Jackie and I wanted to prove that a 17-storey high-rise […]
Read moreA weekend to Barth
‘Cause I’z filthy
Read moreA weekend briefly in Myles’ doghouse
For a 4-year-old, his doghouse is cold!
Read moreSat here
Sat here bawling my eyes out because I’ve battled all day with vertigo and nausea, picked my little man up from nursery, snapped at him, and sent myself home because I can’t cope. Sat here thinking about my only 2-hours with him that I ruined. Sat here wishing this wasn’t me. And the really irritating […]
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A weekend of doing last weekend’s job list
(I hope from the nondescript whoever reclining on a big green tick you infer ‘SUCCESS!’…)
Read moreA weekend after the bleak before
Last week, life was a featureless plain. It was me amongst this bland flatness. Mighty bleak. Mighty lonely, too, ’cause I’m a boring piece of shit. Sullen mope. Utter failure. Why even breathe? So fucking pointless. Frustration. And then on Thursday, while in work trying to coax these electrical boards out of the machine, I […]
Read moreIn finger news…
‘Cause of that damn spider on Saturday my poor little pinky still looks deformed ’cause it’s bloated between 2 knuckles and looks like a balloon on top. It’s also a touch flushed, stingy and itchy still. The one thing it isn’t doing, other than being better, is driving me up the fucking wall! I’m going […]
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A weekend that began at the allotment and ended minus a finger
I awoke Saturday with 10 fingers and ended the morning with 9.
Read moreA weekend dedicated to car checks and cider
Since beginning this driving lark nearly a year ago (yeah, a year! I know! 😲) I’ve been checking my oil, coolant, and screen wash levels roughly when I’ve remembered. On the yoozh, this is when the screen wash has gone and I’ve opened the bonnet, VIOLA! (I like to be smug when possible.) When it […]
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STOP! This is an emergency! // Erm, nah
In my bag there is a box. There are many boxes and lots of pill strips. That’s all I carry around now. Pills and glasses. And exactly how old am I? 34 going on 90. Anyway, there’s this particular box, and particular pill strip, that’s named The Emergency Stop Pill. It’s got some fancy unpronounceable […]
Read moreA weekend of darkness
Migraine —
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A weekend of forgetful success
Originally, this weekend was to celebrate Betty White’s 97th birthday. I’m a super fan. Totally adore the old broad. I once flew all the way to LA to see her. Because she’s basically a distant relative, the Betty White marathon I had planned got forgot. I totally unremembered. I ended up having a Poirot marathon […]
Read moreA weekend of mild success
Usually, when I’m with Kayte we don’t achieve. We have every intention but one thing soon leads to excuses and we get nowhere. We have to book or be so committed our excuses suck to get places. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule. This weekend, with Kayte’s visit, we booked cinema tickets. Having […]
Read moreA weekend, the first of 2019
It was fucking cold. When with heating, it was fucking hot. And it went too quick. It’s true, when it comes to temperature, I’m inclined to overreact. I’m not as fat as I used to be, and I no longer walk in and out of mortuaries all day long, and sometimes it’s the only thing […]
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HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
2019!!! With fingers crossed, it’ll be a good year! It’ll be the year we find what alludes, and new things too. It’ll be hilarious. An absolute rip-roar! It’ll be the year we grapple to hold — we’ll take control! We’ll love more, love harder in return. We can only get stronger. Whatever it brings you, love […]
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A weekend before 2019
IT’S ALMOST THAT TIME!!! To get ready, the last weekend of the year went out in style! On Saturday was Christmas Day 2.0 with Myles & co. Mum slaved away in the kitchen while us boys built a rail empire. On Sunday, I found this old man I recognised in a pub and went out […]
Read more*** I’m laughing too hard to entitle
I amuse me. Whether I mean to or not, I do. I find myself so fucking funny that I can’t cope! I can’t be! I know exactly which buttons to push to get me going weak, and so I push ’em. I’ve got to! I can’t help it! I’m addicted! If I could find the […]
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Merry Christmas everyone!!!!
I hope you all have a great time!!
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A weekend before Christmask
Should auld acquaintance be forgot — shit! That’s a week away! Um I’m too drunk for this! This weekend, I have Got myself to Cornwall. Discovered pink gin and lemonade. Tried to see the festive Mousehole harbour lights but discovered I can’t drive in the Cornwall pitch-black dark so managed 5-miles before hitting the gin. […]
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No more work ’cause it’s Christmas!!!
YAY!!! And the best bit… IT’S NO MORE WORK UNTIL 2019!!! That’s a whole year away! And what’s super great is that I haven’t got to work Christmas Eve and those pesky days ’til New Year FOR THE FIRST TIME I CAN REMEMBER!!! (Except, of course, 2015 and ’17 when I was without job ’cause they […]
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A weekend of a spectacle wearing Christmas cracker
It was the works do on Saturday, and nice to see everyone tarted up! All except Leigh. Leigh didn’t tart himself up. He might think that he did, but a Power Ranger costume isn’t fine dining attire. The fireworks were a nice touch, though. I liked them. The DJ cancelled on us so the bar […]
Read moreA weekend not in Wales
This is my 2nd weekend in Wales in 2 months that I’ve spent in England. Some might think that I don’t want to visit my parents. And it’s true, last month they didn’t want me. One had a TV being delivered, the other antibiotics. For this month, with it being so close to Christmas, they […]
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Brain freeze migraine (with vertigo sprinkles)
Maybe I was too smug. Maybe, because my migraines weren’t headache-aches, I rubbed it in. This past year, I do remember throwing lots of parties. Here’s me thinking I was celebrating friends when maybe I was gloating. A little shit, see. Deserve it. Or maybe, this is just a development. When once my migraines were […]
Read moreA weekend of IT’S CHRISTMAS (so soon)!!!
It seems to be coming around quicker every year, Christmas. I suspect, having recently been enlightened on the conspiracy surrounding fluoride, that we’re being lied to. It won’t take much digging by a perfectly focused snooper to discover that the months are being shortened, if not erased entirely, by our governments and big corporations. WHY?! […]
Read moreA weekend that ended much better than it started
It started with day 9 of the same damn vertigo migraine episode — day 9! Ffs, taking the piss! It’s supposed to be 7 days and it fucks off! I don’t handle these migraines well, especially when they’ve been set off because I lost my shit with Natwest. After a week of attempting work and mostly […]
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Thrilling half-hour
POWERCUT! I haven’t had one of these since for ages. I remember them to be adventure-filled in childhood. Initially, I thought it was the fusebox since that likes to trip when it’s bored. But no, outside the window was utter darkness. Eerie, walking along the streets. Street after street. Cars going by. No lights. Palmerston Road was […]
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A weekend recuperating
Thanks to Natwest’s helpfulness, I lost my shit Thursday afternoon. And I know exactly where I lost it, too, in their ears! And as I’ve grown accustomed, losing my shit this way finds me a vertigo migraine. Oh, the joys! I’d rather not lose my shit in the first place, but it can’t be helped […]
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Natwest, the helpful bank: “Oh, you want your money back? That’s easy! We can help! All you got to do is jump through this hoop. And this one. And now this one. And this one, too. We can’t forget this one, it’s our favourite. And this one. And…”
Back near the end of September, I purchased myself an 11-foot paddle-board. What I received was a 2-foot ladybird. I don’t really know what it is, but it ain’t 11-foot long that’s for certain. I e-mailed the company and they said they’d get back to me but didn’t. I Facebooked them and got told that […]
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A weekend of dramatic scenery
Calling the Jurassic Coast ‘dramatic’ really doesn’t give a sense of just how dramatic it is. If it were a person it would be crowned — MOVE OVER LIZZIE! REAL ROYALTY HERE! There’s a view that it’s dramatic just because it can. Jagged cliffs, crashing waves — a seagull doing somersaults in the wind. It’s […]
Read more***precious raspy voice sounds drowned out by loud music
I’m not one to lose my voice. Considering the shit I’ve lost over the years — from my keys to my sanity — my voice has never been one of them. I like to think this is because my voice is too scared to be misplaced. If it got lost, it would face my wrath (upon its […]
Read moreA weekend that should not have needed to be
There isn’t much to be said about this weekend. It had its Saturday and Sunday. It was 48-hours long. It played the hand that Life had dealt. It was good and bad, pretty and ugly. There isn’t much to be said. Amid its love and hopelessness, there was us standing, stood — held taught and caught, […]
Read moreA weekend not visiting the parents
Now that I’m with car, the 3-hour drive to their respective homes almost promotes regular visits through ease alone. It’s a case now of jump in the car and go! No 5-hour train journey. No asking my father to pick me up and drop me home. I’m independent now, baby. But neither parent wanted me. […]
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A weekend hoping I’d understood the temporary parking restrictions correctly*
* If not, Berty would get us our first fine and he’d get towed. He’d get thrown in lockup! And knowing his owner, he’d pick up the soap…
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P!NK IS COMING TO WEMBLEY!!!
AND I’VE GOT TICKETS!!! I can barely contain myself. It’s taken me the whole day to write this ’cause, you know…
Read moreA weekend of 2 halves
On the one side, I was resting a migraine. On the other, my main man Myles’ 4th birthday party!!! Saturday saw me catch up with all my series’ since moving was vetoed. Sunday saw my first (by car) visit to Lidl, followed by a 4-year-olds birthday party! I couldn’t find everything I had to get […]
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