Anger

Today with that machine and a new attitude

I strolled into work this morning and right up to that machine. I looked it square in the window and said, “We’re going to have a good day today.” I stepped to the left head and said, “You’ve only got to worry about this trolley and this side.” I stepped to the right head and said, […]

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In memory, Mental wellbeing

It’s March 31st again

This date looms in the calendar. 11:20(ish) a.m.. 3 years ago today he left us when he should’ve been allowed to stay. He was such a wonderful man, and I’m not just saying this because I’m biased. He was a much better man than me. And 3 years on, it feels like it’s been barely […]

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Anger

Firecracker temper — Tomos, why so angry?

ANGER: a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility There was a time when I kept my anger, disapproval, disgust private — always accommodating, assuaging to all — my thoughts my own, never rocked the boat; wouldn’t like to, me no like confrontation. Apologetic, quick to — any blame? Mine. This is because I’ve never liked my […]

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Anger

Bad mood worsening

For reasons only my temper knows, I’m getting shitty and shittier and evermore disgruntled. The day’s irritations have mounted, I’m grinding my teeth, clenching my jaw, and have a dead gaze to rival a corpse. I can’t manage words. I can growl and snap but not speak. I can’t manage patience. I just, no. Fuck off. […]

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Anger

Who I am these days now things are different

I am changed. It is an undeniable truth — totes altered, that’s me. You don’t lose close loved ones, get bullied by your manager in the funeral home you work, get forced to defend your grief to your employers, have a breakdown, spiral down, and come out the other side without changing a little. Impossible. I could […]

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A journey of weekends, Mental wellbeing

A weekend with friends & anger

Saturday saw me put to work on Shaun’s allotment, digging up onions that had flowered and planting new ones. I didn’t work alone. I had the expert assistance of a little person who gave reason to stop often for snacks, hide and seek, and to look at trains. According to Shaun I’m a bad influence on his son. […]

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Mental wellbeing

My choices in hindsight — should I regret the bad ones?

No. Regret loves hindsight because hindsight is ever so wonderful, but I’ve never seen hindsight around when the choosing is going down. Afterwards. Only afterwards is hindsight with us with its ‘you should’ve done this’ and ‘if only you’d done that’ opinions but by then it’s too late to matter. What regret and hindsight both forget is that choice doesn’t […]

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Mental wellbeing, Portsmouth Water

A year from In lieu of care

Freebie forever! I love it. I’m much better. I’d go so far as to say that I’ve reset myself back to my normal, maybe even beyond normal the other way. I’m not as silenced any more — I’m admitting what I’m thinking aloud and it’s liberating. I’m not as caught up any more — life is just too […]

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