The nice man from Car Components in Gosport cradled poor Bertie as he sobbed knowingly, this is the time I die…

While ‘feeling emotional’ is a little excessive toward a car, there was a moment for thought while watching Bertie get towed to the carpark in the sky.

All those near-misses — its scars as training wheels.

All those journeys — 21,000 miles, all told. Cornwall, Newcastle, Wales…

All those attempts to parallel park — I finally nailed it two weeks ago!

All that freedom with a tap-tap engine that tap-tapped itself to death…

For my first car, you did good Bertie!

I’m sorry I killed you.

I’ll miss you.

GOODBYE!

Sad times, I bet you agree…

Probably need a lie down…

WAIT!

Who’s this?

Ollie?

Who the fuck is Ollie?