A weekend pre-lockdown

As predicted, Myles exploded upon discovering I had Mario Kart on the Wii.

He has very strict ‘follow me’ and ‘we need to drive on the sand/grass’ rules, which put hitches in winning races.

I’ve tweaked a few settings, made the driving a lot easier, and after this lockdown will be getting the kid competitive. I want him to beat his daddy as good as I do, brutally. That means practice, and lots of it!

Sunday, I found cider in the fridge and a bottle of vodka on the floor. The vodka wasn’t randomly lying in the middle of the room, but hidden behind the freezer.

Needless to say, there’s no more cider in the fridge and no more vodka on the floor. Yesterday, I wasn’t feeling human. Today, I’m more human. Tomorrow, I’ll be more human still.

So far, since going into lockdown, I’ve not noticed a great difference to my lifestyle.

I’m quite a hermit naturally. I gravitate to the sofa like cake to my hips. I’m known to spend days indoors avoiding humanity. It helps having the hangover from hell.

My little stint as a home-based funeral coach taught me that a whole week inside these walls is the route to madness.

When I’m human again, if that ever happens, I’m going to take my little jaunt around the headland for exercise.

A small half-hour of fresh air, avoiding all people, sounds heavenly to me.

Tomos James


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