Last night, I had to park under a tree.

When parking in Southsea, you take what you’re given, and I’ve parked under trees before, didn’t think much of it.

Today, I thought I’d pop to Tesco.

Got to the car.

No longer grey.

The best way I can describe it, a whole tree full of birds exploded with shit.

I didn’t have windows.

I only knew where the door was because of the wing-mirror sticking out.

The cars either side of me, not a drop of shit on them. Granted, these might not have been parked under the tree overnight.

It took me a half-hour to get the worst off.

Eventually, I got to Tesco.

I walked around Tesco — did as one does in Tesco — got to the till. The lady scanned and told me the price…

Wallet in car.

A traipse back to the shit-mobile, a traipse back to the till.

I’ve got one more thing coming.

I don’t know if forgetting to add salt and pepper to the bolognese until halfway through simmering counts…