A weekend of wheelbarrows, fishbowls, and an arsehole

Onions, picked

Carrots, plucked.

Potatoes, dug up.

Rhubarb, tamed.

The only things left on the allotment are courgettes, pumpkins, and nettles.

For the latter, we’re at war.

As of Friday evening, Shaun and I have reclaimed (most of) our paths, lined with carpet, and spent what felt like a decade laying wood chips. Wheelbarrow after wheelbarrow after wheelbarrow — it brought back memories of mucking out stables. The only thing it couldn’t replicate was running up the manure mound.

To reward myself for my hard work, I had fishbowls with Jackie on Saturday. She concocted her cocktail in a bowl and off we drank. Her sister was there and we ended up around her mate’s house, where I became the DJ. People always criticise my song choices, which of course happened, and I’m always left shrugging because I’m enjoying myself.

A little while later, we found ourselves on Palmerston Road. We had another pre-drink at mine before we discovered that Wetherspoons no longer plays music. Lost the entertainment part of its license, tut-tut. Well, silence really wasn’t our thing so we ended the party at mine.

Sunday started at 5am with Her Royal Highness, who is slumming it in flat 6, trying to get hold of the butler. She was locked outside, forgot she’d left the servants at the palace, and woke up the entire building. She’d forgotten her keys (again), lost her voice (again), got the boyfriend apologising for her (again). I’m looking at the state of it thinking ‘bullshit’. I’m thinking ‘our lives ain’t here to cater for you’. If she’s not waking us up at 5am, she’s parking her car so thoughtfully that we have to climb over the roof to get to the front door. Maybe I’m intolerant, but after 6 months of this crap, I think she’s a selfish arsehole.

A good portion of the rest of the day was spent watching Scooby-Doo. Myles has told me that I have to watch Scooby-Doo so we can talk about it, and since there was nothing else on, and because I’m a very good best friend, I had Mystery Incorporated accompanying my cleaning. If I’m honest, quite enjoyable — it’s not something to sit and watch, but it’s good for background.

Tomos James

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