A weekend as a courgette pushing horticulturist

Okay, ‘horticulturist’ might be a bit strong, I finally got ’round to repotting my spider plant after 6 years and I gave it some fancy stones.

Its new home is about 4 times the size of the original, and I want to see if its roots have noticed. I’m thinking that I probably should’ve teased them out but I didn’t.

Following the plant theme, the allotment is all mine as Shaun and Myles sun themselves by a pool. And in typical fashion, with me in charge, there’s shit going down.

Someone is sitting in the potatoes, I think a fox. I got there Saturday and I’ve got this bloody seat in the middle of a potato plot, and I don’t think the potatoes are happy.

Someone is making crop circles in the onions, I think a fox. I’ve got onions with their leaves on the horizontal, like someone’s gone round making crop circles. Some of the onions really aren’t happy.

I’ve got courgettes coming out of every hole! I don’t even like courgettes and I’m drowning in them. Jackie’s like ‘chuck them’ and I’m like, no! Home grown! Someone who likes courgettes will love them!

Well, it turns out that not many people like courgettes so I’ve resorted to peddling them out of the car.

I’m a courgette dealer, crossing county lines.

Tomos James


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