Sat here bawling my eyes out because I’ve battled all day with vertigo and nausea, picked my little man up from nursery, snapped at him, and sent myself home because I can’t cope.

Sat here thinking about my only 2-hours with him that I ruined.

Sat here wishing this wasn’t me.

And the really irritating thing is, since I’m now sat here crying, I feel sort of better. I presume this is because of the distraction I’m giving myself. Fucking prick. Why can’t I just feel better?

Oh, well.

Life carries on in some form or another.

In less irritating news, these few written words have calmed me down a touch and I feel shit again. At least there’s a bright side, by feeling like I need my stomach ripped out of me, I don’t have much of leg to stand on when it comes to berating myself. I shouldn’t have snapped at my dude, I’ll berate me for that, but for everything else I’m unberatable until the next time I inhale.

Small wins.

But I really just want to see my little man.

In this ‘battling all day with vertigo and nausea’, a couple of points to note:

1. I don’t know why you’ve just endured a big space that I can do nothing about.
2. 100% certain now that I get 2 different types of migraine — a headache one that sometimes brings about vertigo and nausea, and a vertigo one that sometimes brings about a headache and nausea. There are times when I get nausea that sometimes brings about vertigo and a headache, much like today, but I think it’s all the same just different. In truth, I’m talking bullshit.
3. I’ve upped my tolerance for nausea. It turns out, you can do that so I did just that. Upped it. Proper sky high now. It was pretty high to start with but there is that saying, ‘the sky’s the limit’.
4. I was feeling pretty shitty yesterday, too — 25th, 26th — and had an off-on corker of a headache on Saturday and Sunday. If I take a quick gander at the calendar, lo and behold, I was feeling pretty shitty around Burns Night, 25th of January. If I scootch back more, well December was pretty much one whole migraine, but I do remember feeling pretty shitty on the 20th because it ruined a meal out. This could mean, WATCH OUT! Around the 25th I’m due on my period.
5. I’ve got no more points to note.