Sat here

Sat here bawling my eyes out because I’ve battled all day with vertigo and nausea, picked my little man up from nursery, snapped at him, and sent myself home because I can’t cope.

Sat here thinking about my only 2-hours with him that I ruined.

Sat here wishing this wasn’t me.

And the really irritating thing is, since I’m now sat here crying, I feel sort of better. I presume this is because of the distraction I’m giving myself. Fucking prick. Why can’t I just feel better?

Oh, well.

Life carries on in some form or another.

In less irritating news, these few written words have calmed me down a touch and I feel shit again. At least there’s a bright side, by feeling like I need my stomach ripped out of me, I don’t have much of leg to stand on when it comes to berating myself. I shouldn’t have snapped at my dude, I’ll berate me for that, but for everything else I’m unberatable until the next time I inhale.

Small wins.

But I really just want to see my little man.

In this ‘battling all day with vertigo and nausea’, a couple of points to note:

  1. I don’t know why you’ve just endured a big space that I can do nothing about.
  2. 100% certain now that I get 2 different types of migraine — a headache one that sometimes brings about vertigo and nausea, and a vertigo one that sometimes brings about a headache and nausea. There are times when I get nausea that sometimes brings about vertigo and a headache, much like today, but I think it’s all the same just different. In truth, I’m talking bullshit.
  3. I’ve upped my tolerance for nausea. It turns out, you can do that so I did just that. Upped it. Proper sky high now. It was pretty high to start with but there is that saying, ‘the sky’s the limit’.
  4. I was feeling pretty shitty yesterday, too — 25th, 26th — and had an off-on corker of a headache on Saturday and Sunday. If I take a quick gander at the calendar, lo and behold, I was feeling pretty shitty around Burns Night, 25th of January. If I scootch back more, well December was pretty much one whole migraine, but I do remember feeling pretty shitty on the 20th because it ruined a meal out. This could mean, WATCH OUT! Around the 25th I’m due on my period.
  5. I’ve got no more points to note.
Tomos James