A weekend in Portsmouth

How last weekend saw nuptials and migraines, this weekend didn’t. There were no weddings to attend, no vertigo to steady — instead, allotment-working and paddle boarding. And how last weekend seemed to linger around, this weekend vanished — it’s my one complaint.

Saturday saw me start the morning feeding a parrot. Charlie the parrot. She’s very pretty but she’s a miserable bitch (a bit like her owner, ha ha). I realise her first years weren’t the greatest, but we all have our sob stories and her life is lovely now. It’s time she moved on, chilled out, and saw what she had and stopped dwelling on the past. SQUAWK! SQUAWK! SQUAWK! Ears, bleeding. Nothing is right. And she goes for you! You’re chatting away to her, freshening up her water, and she’s nipping your fingers. It stinks a bit ungrateful to me. I don’t know if parrots can convey gratitude but I know dogs can so parrots should, it’s only polite.

After a quick trip to A&E to get my fingers reattached, I popped to Shaun’s allotment and got to stripping leaves off sweetcorn stalks. As I’ve learnt, every job that looks quick in the gardening world, isn’t. Two hours later… I could’ve been done quicker if I hadn’t stopped to chat.

For the rest of the day, I put off tidying the flat. I reasoned, I’d put on a wash and I ain’t Cinderella.

Sunday saw the morning begin feeding a parrot, followed by another trip to A&E. After that, I wasn’t Cinderella, and then I made my way up to Ports Creek for a spot of paddle-boarding with Shaun and Myles. Myles’ aunt, uncle, and cousin joined us but were not dressed appropriately. How can you paddle-board if you’re worried about your jeans? You can’t, that’s how. That’s how you miss out on things. Tut-tut-tut. I told ’em.

It’s my second-time paddle-boarding and I am in love. I love it love it love it it’s amazing! It’s kind’a like surfing but without the surfing part. And it’s kind’a like a kayak bit without the kayak. And you can go really quick and all sorts. I’ve stood up twice and not fallen in. Shaun fell in. “Too windy,” he said. Whatever! And when Myles is on board, we’re pirates and he’s the Captain. After we’d shivered of few timbers, we made land and found ourselves some treasure.

I want a paddle-board.

I’m getting a paddle-board.

And I want a nice little outfit, one that makes me look cute, too.

Tomos James

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