Virgin Media, their doghouse at their convenience

Day 2

It’s lucky I called Virgin Media back — Mr Manager Man didn’t action his ‘gesture of goodwill’. Oh no, Mr Manager Man thought better of it. He thought, you know what, I’m going to lie muahahaha. Prick.

But he was right, they have cancelled my direct debit and they refuse to set it up again because I’ve got an outstanding balance. This balance is this current bill. It’s not due to be paid until March. What the fuck? The whole point of a direct debit is to pay an outstanding balance, isn’t it? Not according to Virgin. Virgin require a zero bill to set one up. I ask again, what the fuck? That ain’t ever going to happen. Maybe for a few days but if you pay by direct debit there is always a pending payment due.

The first time I called I forgot to ask about the direct debit because I was focused on the late fee and getting yesterday’s gents names. The late fee was still sitting there so I got him to remove it, he said he did, he was very adamant. I made him promise.

I didn’t have anything to write their names down on, so although I went through the motions my hope that they’d be simple didn’t pan out. These would’ve been names similar to those owned by the people I know. I’m shit with names.

They weren’t simple, so I got home and called Virgin back.

On this call, I typed out the names and learnt the ‘what the fuck?’ about the direct debit. The man took pains to explain how a direct debit works. What he actually explained was a mash-up between a direct debit and a standing order but let’s still give him a round of applause.

He was close.

What is with these men?! Yesterday it was Mr Huff-n-Puff’s enlightenment on how to log into my Virgin account, and then Mr mild-mannered Manager Man who lied. Today and it’s gobbledygook to justify some stupid rules. All of whom repeated themselves pretty much word for word, and rudely too! If I don’t understand something then it’s fair enough ’cause I can tell stuff you don’t know. Explain, don’t patronise, always watch the tone, and don’t call me thick between words.

It’s clear, my own defence remains paramount. That anger I’ve tried so hard to control is still here, it’s still a residue that gloops my mind.

So anyway, because I’m still in debt to Virgin but not in debt because the amount outstanding isn’t yet due, I have to call to pay this bill. I can log online if I find that more convenient. I don’t have to pay until the end of February, though, because this debt isn’t a debt but is a debt because they say so.

The convenience here is, of course, Virgin’s. There’s none for me. My direct debit failed and so I called up and paid via their automated line, but still, I’m being punished. Just set-up the direct debit! Okay, I made a whoopsie but I corrected my error so now we’re fine and dandy. Let’s not delude ourselves, Virgin Media isn’t as white as snow. But no, we’re not fine and dandy. I’m in the doghouse. I’ve been bad and I must grovel. Unfortunately, I’ve been put in the doghouse by experts. Let me tell you, Virgin ain’t one of them.

I will not go online to pay and I will not call to pay, my direct debit will be reinstated and that’s that. I will have some convenience afforded to me!

To cut out a bit of repetition (Virgin and I do like our circles) today’s second man wanted me to give him my card details so he could process the payment nearer the time. Quite a reasonable thing, on the whole, I might’ve offered it if in the same position, but he said it was to “help him out”. I asked him if he thinks the quality of service I’ve received these two days warrants that level of assistance.

He suggested I call or pay online.

I suggested that he call me on a convenient date at a convenient time for me.

He got a bit flustered, and he tried to worm out, but I was unyielding.

27th after 6pm.

I’m expecting him to call on the 26th, since that’s the date he confirmed.

What he doesn’t know, he’ll be calling me back twice. The first time to put me through to the automated line. He will then be waiting for payment confirmation and then calling me back so we can set up this direct debit.

Virgin Media may have their stupid rules if they so wish, and there’s a big chance that I might’ve followed along had Virgin thought of the value of loyalty. They didn’t and they don’t. It’s all profits. £10 late fees are easy money if you keep your letters vague. So they can be inconvenienced by their own rules.

I predict, should today’s number 2 not call as scheduled that I’ll be unamused as Virgin regains their precious convenience. If I’ve got to call and put myself through to the automated line, and then wait for the email confirmation, only to call them back, then the person I get better be the first person I spoke to today because he was pleasant and did what he said. (In the second call I got the man to confirm my current balance. I’m shit at maths but I can take 10 away from things and the figure sounded about right.)

So Day 2, mildly more successful than Day 1. At least we got one thing ticked off the list.


Tomos James

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