Today’s anger

A face like thunder.

Are you okay?

If it wasn’t for Virgin I’d only have a ridiculous excuse for being a stroppy bitch today.

Face like thunder.

Protruding jaw. Grinding.

Officially pissed off eyes. The stare.

So maybe thanks should be given to Virgin for giving me a place to direct it.

Otherwise, instead of along with a vague sense of triumph I’d only have that deflated stupidity felt now that I’ve calmed back to neutral.

I do despise anger.

I’m glad that mine is learning it’s place and time — gone are the days it’s constant — but I find it so selfish. I find it repugnant. Anger angers me and that’s an issue. It twists my tits when it’s for some reason that’s a crick of my mind.

My biggest crick is a delay getting home. Once I have ‘home’ in my head that is where I am going. I am going home. I need to be at home. I want to be there. Why aren’t I there yet? Why are you stopping ME? I WANT TO GO HOME!

Cricks of my mind like these are not repugnant, I just thought I should clarify that I despise the anger they provoke.

As I sit here trying to find the positive in my stroppiness I think, ‘Hark at me! Being selfish.’

And then another part thinks, ‘Yadda yadda, who cares?’

Another, ‘Hypocritical selflessness, if I may.’

‘You certainly may and I agree. I am me after all.’

‘WHO YOU FUCKING DISSIN’? Fucking come up here and say it!’

‘Woo, macho man!’

‘Boo hoo, you won’a go home…’

‘Pathetic.’

If anger is justified then after it I don’t feel so stupid.

I don’t think, ‘I didn’t handle that expertly. I was a dick’.

I know these cricks of my mind can be uncricked.

I know that as strongly as I know there’s always a silver lining. You may have to look real hard because sometimes it’s tarnished, but it’s there.

There’s a tarnished positive somewhere.

There’s hope, I know, because I can feel it.

If you want to get a better picture of what I was like today, I was a stroppy little queen. I tamped my foot at one point. Right little princess. Proper martyr. If looks could kill.

Now, I can add in ‘idiot’.

I’m a fool.

I don’t do anything to help myself.

I can strop as much as I like but who am I stropping for? An audience? Is that what I need? Okay…

Now bow.

Tomos James

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