It began with an article that exposed the sheer depravity of those who dared consider 2017 reasonable, or even worse, agreeable.
It was a balanced article full of a wisdom and reason that showed why holding a pro-2017 opinion was not only reprehensible and repulsive but the definition of ‘inhumane treatment’.
The villains, of course, were a couple of celebrities who failed to lament the state of our world as they thanked 2017 for being good to them.
The heroes were those solitary cyber knights and keyboard keepers who uphold our highest-minded grounds with this flail of self-sacrifice:
AND SO THEY TYPE:
Our doom! We’ve been doomed to fail!
We’re doomed to die in our streets, in our homes, while queueing for our rations or for an hour’s employment.
And if we don’t succumb quick enough then we’ll get divided up by the Government. Some of us will survive, if that’s what it is, while others will vanish like they never existed.
It’ll be Brexit that’ll get us. We’ll die out in the cold, frozen out by the world. We’ll turn on ourselves until we get an order.
If Brexit fails then the terrorists will kill us! They’ll grab us and stab us, they’ll hunt you down like prey. They’ll chase you through the woods, into pub basements, and until you collapse at their feet. Your mutilated corpse will be all over social media.
If they fail then Trump will kill us to prove his FAKE NEWS! But he’d really kill us because we refused him a meet with The Queen. He’ll also avenge the gripes he has for his piss-killed golfing greens and our derogatory placards.
If that plan succumbs to a probe then we’ll die when Trump and North Korea go nuclear. It’ll probably be Russia who’d do it, and who could say if there’d been a bezzie mate request put in for it. We’d be dead before we could retaliate so we won’t know either way.
Or it could be our worsening climate that’s bringing about our deaths — killer tides and murderous storms. We might freeze to death in a sudden ice-age or be sunk to the bottom of the ocean.
Or it’ll be these pissy-shame-splattered pricks who got applauded and not arrested that’ll end our stability. All those blind eyes that knew and did nothing only caused the victims more pain. These glazed-eyed shamers preserved these pissy-shamed pricks, and they’re both as equally inhuman. We will all implode under their hypocrisy, and no-one will survive unscathed.
And that’s the legacy of 2017.
Death and destruction and worsening failures.
There’s no gratitude to give it, it’s got no positivities at all.
2017 seriously wounded us, and so giving it good vibes is tantamount to treason.
You are, through your praise, undermining our country’s footing.
You are, through your denial, establishing anarchy and our destruction.
When the streets plunge into darkness and you’re frightened for your life, you’ll wish your selfish traits had never caused this.
It’s simple, you change now or then you will die, and it’ll be good riddance. You’ll be paraded around as a warning.
So why do you waste your time looking for elusive good things when there’s too much to fear and too much to lose to ever stop worrying about where we’re heading?
It’s because you’re intolerant and hostile to our dangers, and you don’t care if the whole country dies before you.
We’re in a time when this is splattering all over the place:
And because all you go-positive’ers get frisky with your reflection…
You’ll be too self absorbed to help us stop this…
And do you know who the survivors will blame?
Yeah, you and your selfish kind.
What a load of bullshit.
These cyber knights aren’t saviours, their valour barely extends beyond Britain.
What of the rest of Earth?
And what of the good things achieved in 2017?
Where’s their balance of doom and gloom with hope?
The snow leopard is no longer an endangered species.
The Zika virus has almost been eradicated, and most of the people living in the Carribean and Latin America are immune.
1.5 million people planted over 67 million trees in 12 hours in the Indian state of Madhya Pradesh, setting a new Guinness record.
2017 saw our lowest carbon emissions since the Industrial Revolution, and on April 21st the UK burned ZERO coal for power for the first time in 140 years.
And worldwide, there is a growing trend of tolerance among our many human races, and it’s our young pioneering this shift.
That’s only 5 good things that happened last year, and they’re 5 good things they didn’t mention.
And how many of these goods things were achieved without hope?
And how many needed the people to find elusive good things to make it all work?
It’s obvious why they never said it because then it never happened.
They’re arseholes with selective tolerances.
We’re the problem because they can’t see how 2017 took over 7 billion years worth of time to pass.
We’ve each had a year that’s had common ground with others and time that’s just been ours.
Our gratitude and positives are there because being alive isn’t an easy thing to accomplish.
We need hope and love, and we need to search for elusive good things because it’s only with these things does life become liveable.
And this good passes down, not as quickly as fear and disquiet, but it sets deeper once it gets there and so proves itself more solution than problem.
It’s these folks who bitch out bullshit that never solve anything.
Should the bombs start to fall, our country in anarchy, other than our PPE, rations, and/or weapons, what’s going to sustain us when the fighting gets up to its toughest?
Cynicism and doubt?
Nah, it’ll be hope, love, and gratitude.
So maybe these cyber knights and their advocates should feast on this:
‘Cause my 2017 worked out sterling!
I upgraded the year from ‘alright, like, I suppose’ after reading that article.
Translated, it pretty much means the same as ‘sterling’ but the ‘suppose’ twangs in some disappointment so I can keep me unworthy.
Of course, to upgrade to ‘sterling’ and remove the disappointment I had to find positivities by comparison.
Was 2017 as bad as…?
And sure, I needed more GIFs.
This was 2015 to me:
This was me in 2016:
And this is how 2017 went down:
And then the year went out with a smash!
Shaun, me, and his family went to his local. Matt supplied us with Jägerbombs. After the pub, we had Shaun’s glacier mint vodka that saw me no good for living yesterday at all.
It was a great end to an improved year, and I have the likes of Shaun, Myles, Hannah, Kayte, Laura, Jackie, and my cousin Jo to thank for that.
It’s been a ride, hasn’t it? And I love you all very much.
To you, my dear reader, thank you for 2017!
Your eyes & time have helped me find my confetti fabulous!
And thanks for the sloth, at least I think it’s a sloth. I’ve named her Epiphany. You helped me realise my dreams, too.
HAVE A FANTASTIC 2018!!!