A snared apparition stalked the streets, its heavy chains scraping and rattling along the uneven cobbles, and people scattered screaming, “MARRIAGE A’COMING! AAARGH!! HIDE!” Well, they took photographs and laughed, some shouted angrily, but you’ve still got it: Another man down due to love! I tell ya, this love lark is unsparing.
STAG DO IN PRAGUE!
(Otherwise known as Aaron’s birthday)
Arranged by his best man (and my main man) Shaun, the 4 of us arrived early Friday evening to darkness and cobbled streets. After some confusion over their door-numbering system, which came across unfathomable to us Brits used to logic, we found where we were staying.
Hostel Miles, named clearly in honour of my dude Myles, was located above a Thai massage parlour. One of many in the city. Like a McDonalds, they were every few hundred yards. The hostel was well appointed and comfortable, and more like a cheap hotel than a scum hole. It had warm running water and a communal kitchen, and even a flushing toilet. I did find, though, the mattress unforgiving, the pillows too lenient, and the curtains pathetic, but then Sleeping Tomos is fussy.
With shit dropped we hit Prague, and that’s where whatever happened stays. Fortunately, I don’t have great recollection skills at the best of times, and with drink I have even less. I do know I kept up with the straight men’s drinking, and only shied away from the Absinthe and the morning Jägers. I like my stomach lining and need at least a water to start the day, but better an Earl Grey.
Of course, as it was a stag do, we did visit 2 titty bars (as the locals called them). The first was a bit of a shock because I was expecting a casino. Goldfingers. In here a lady comforted me when she found out she couldn’t please me, telling me that I’ll be alright, which I thought very nice. And I saw a vagina bumping a pole. I was minding my own business, admiring a pair of bosoms, when it was there just bumping away. Backwards and forwards. Bump bump bump. Kind’a hypnotic. It was — It just — I didn’t know what to do with myself so I moved.
The second, Hot Peppers, had the decor of a letching pervert unabashed and dribbling, and all its ladies wore mismatched ‘outfits’. Except one, the rebel of the group. I congratulated her on her matching black bra, knicker, and shoe combo but she mistook this as a request for lesbian action. I was forced to decline because her colleague’s knickers didn’t match her shoes.
Aaron and Jake were lightweights on Saturday so Shaun and I had a great night crawling between pubs. We met some random and wonderful people, and I made a new friend in Tina while Shaun made friends with a dog.
Because of a whining Stag, we re-did the pub crawl of the night before. It was a slower evening because it was a Sunday. That said, I still managed to make new friends in Catherine and Steph as we bonded over a rudely served but utterly delicious strawberry daiquiri.
We did wander around Prague and see the sights, but we weren’t there for history. We were there for the now and to come. As Aaron prepares to be shackled to the love of his life, the future is all that matters.
I’m definitely going back. I’ve told Shaun that to celebrate our 20th anniversary of brotherhood we’re going to Prague and he’s agreed.
I had a great time! I’m just not human anymore. I’m something make-believe.