STEP AWAY FROM THE CAKE! But I really want some

It’s come that time again.

Diet time.

Burning calories time.

Monitor what I eat time.


Exercise time.

Crap times ahead.

I’m fat.

There’s no way to sugar coat it (mmm, sugar icing) — Tomos here is fat, fat, fat. He’s so fat he never loses things anymore, they take orbit. I’ve just got to wait a couple of hours and they’re within reach again. I’m not kidding. The only thing I’ve lost is my penis.

I’m fat.

So fat.

I’d say I’ve never been this fat before but then I’d be a liar.

A fat liar getting fatter to cover up my lies.


Now that I’ve weighed myself it transpires that I’ve been slightly over exaggerating — 11 stone 2, but then what’s with my reflection? I caught myself in a florists’ window a few days ago and I was all breasts, gut and handles. I exclaimed my disgust aloud and got funny looks.

My clothes are tight and I refuse to buy a bigger size. I’m waist 32 (I was 34), just a very tight 32 and I need to get it so my legs stop turning blue.

It’s the snacking that’s done me in.

I took to snacking when I lost my appetite (at the time I called it the Breakdown Diet, very effective) because I had to eat something.

Now I’m eating small meals (3 of them in 1 day!) and still snacking.

I also don’t move enough.

I walk everywhere because I don’t drive, but I don’t do exercise.

The gym is a no on my own. I went for a year and hated every minute. Torture.

I’m considering swimming but I’m a little self conscious, and I might go back to the gym if I had someone to go with, to correctly motivate me. A personal trainer with all their shouting would get my back up. I’ve a very short fuse these days and I’d out shout. I’d very much out shout. I’d make that trainer cry. Bitching about being there, better motivation.

With all this in mind, I’m going to have to do something to get myself a little more trim. Either lose the weight or do something with it.

I could try and go out there and get myself muscles! Ah, what a dream. I’ll start with some additional movement.

I’ll also cut down the calories. Turn them into better ones — replace the chocolate bar with a carrot, the cake (again) with nothing. I love cake. Chocolate cake. Carrot cake. Lemon drizzle. Ginger cake — my mate Laura makes this ginger cake that’s got chunks of ginger in it, and if you like ginger (which I do) it’s splendid 😋.

For the better.

Rest in peace dear Cake.

Until we meet again on special occasions.

(Like the whole of next week because IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!!! 🎉🎂🍻)


Tomos James