Bed & I — getting to sleep when I’m lying awake

I loooooooooove my bed, proper do — my love for it is probably the purest I could ever muster. It is the best place in the world between those sheets. I like other places but my bed is my favourite. Cuddled up with the duvet, taking up the whole double — dreams! I love a good dream. Ah, bliss.

My favourite parts of bed are getting in and being in it — getting out, not so much.  I don’t like my alarm clock but that could be a whole post on how I despise the thing with vengeance. Sitting there with its blood numbers, ticking, ready to scare…

Most nights I don’t go to bed until I’m head-butting my chest and my vision is blurred — I fear I’m going to miss something so I’m a night owl — and on some of these nights I fall asleep before I know it but on others I know what the fox is up to, what the drunks are singing, and the time upstairs got up for a piss.

I go to bed to lie awake. I could be seconds from sleep on my feet but the moment I’m reclined — TING! — awake.

I find the hours are long when I can’t get to sleep.


 

Getting to morning

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For as long as I can remember, probably since seeing that film Osmosis Jones, I think this to myself when I’m not falling asleep (thought with authority):

Due to circumstances beyond my control it is imperative that sleep is achieved immediately. All non-essential communications and processes must cease until further notice. Any cell or organ in violation of this decree shall face severe disciplinary action.

I repeat.

Due to circumstances beyond my control it is imperative that sleep is achieved immediately. All non-essential communications and processes must cease until further notice. Any cell or organ in violation of this decree shall face severe disciplinary action.

Usually directed to my brain, although it could be to heartburn or whatever, and exactly what this ‘severe disciplinary action’ entails is a mystery — the threat is a bit hollow, to be honest. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t.

If it is my brain using this time to focus on something I can’t do anything about because I’m in bed then I start thinking of blackness; the shade, the taste, the sound. I will only think of black — I used to try and clear my mind but that gave me a headache. I will only accept black — a little concern pops in with its bright colours and I shut it down black. I ain’t ‘aving it. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t.

What I have learnt is not to get angry because I’m wide a-bloody-wake. Anger keeps me awake so I’ve a better chance of falling asleep if I accept it. I find myself a comfy position, close my eyes, and think of blackness. I figure it is better to rest at least if sleep isn’t coming — not moving, not thinking, not checking the time, and I might get an hour or two.

And then the alarm goes off and it’s morning.

Tomos James