Day 48

Explaining the unexplainable

I’ve toyed with ways to best explain the unexplainable – to give words to this buzz in my head, my flowers dead. Yes, the sun does rise but it also sets – days pass a’haze – and time, well, that’s subjective.

I whisper sweet nothings to the mirror as it haunts back my reflection – so tired, so drained. Gaunt, I look like a corpse. I practice my smile – “It’s alright, today’s going to be a good day,” I say before I forget my keys and leave the house.

It’s hard to explain.

The fire and anger – I can’t breathe! I can’t – I dive down. I dive back down into the depths, and lurk in the depths, and shelter from reality.

I smile.

I crawl around in my skin all day long and I’m itchy, I don’t feel comfy, and I’m tired.

I’m so damn tired.

I’m done.

I’m beaten.

I hold my hands up – I’m not as strong as I’ve been pretending.

Tomos James