He went on holiday & he never came home

Oh, Facebook – why must you remind me so?

I woke this morning to one of those – I can’t remember what they’re called, bare with, I check – ‘On This Day’ notifications, and 2 years ago I was delighting in the tantrum of a cyclist who’d ridden into a wall and promptly thrown a hissy (it was the bike’s fault, obvs), and then later that same day I was declaring my undying love for P!NK (I do most certainly still adore that broad), and 3 years ago my oven was taking far too long for my liking and I was displaying my usual impatience because, much the same as today, I’d distracted myself and forgotten that food takes physical time to cook, but 7 years ago I shared this:

Kieran

My immediate reaction was to call Facebook a liar – most posts on it drip with lies (sorry, I meant with spritzed-up half-truths), although I suppose that’s more its users – but then I did the maths on my fingers and figured that the whole ‘On This Day’ thing is a reasonably simple app to arrange for anyone who can – to me it’s magic, but of its basics I can dig – so I retracted my earlier accusation. For today, at least in this instance, Facebook speaks the truth – thankfully I was lying in bed, you know, ’cause of the shock…

It has been 7 years – 7 years already! – & it feels barely 1

Now, I don’t recall the day clearly – it was, after all, 7 years ago and I can’t remember what I was up to Friday gone (oh wait – flashback! *Shudder) – but I do know that the company I worked for had moved me to Bristol by then, that I’d just got in from work (I was a nightclub manager, hence the ungodly hour of my status), that a friend called, told me, and that I didn’t believe a word.

Kieran was on holiday in Barcelona, I believe, when one thing led to another and he was repatriated home in a zinc lined coffin.

I couldn’t make it to the funeral – I’m sure I posted something on Facebook so I have that notification to look forward to (there’s nothing like being reminded of those things that have taken some time to order and ‘file away’) – but I do recall that on that day I took a time out, called my little Kieran an idiot, and evidently continued on with life.

Over the years – every now and then – I would visit his Facebook page – I would say ‘hi’ where once he could’ve seen and responded – but now I can’t even do that, his Facebook page no longer exists. Sat here today with an Earl Grey stewing beside me, I find myself feeling sorry for myself because it feels like I’ve lost him again…

He’s gone & I’ve been reminded

I’m gon’a make today all about him, I promise.

Kieran, a letter to you

Tomos James

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