Grief – a frequently asked question

Am I grieving correctly?

Yes – yes you are!

It might not feel right but it is right – absolutely! – for grief befogs reality – stable emotions? Not likely – and grief is a very personal thing to endure. Should someone dare say that you’re grieving wrong, respond “OMG I never knew grief was ‘one style suits all’,” and then gush-gush with gratitude until you can gush-gush no more, because of course grief is the accessory that perfectly complements every item of clothing in every single wardrobe all over the globe, whether it be an outfit vogue or one out at the elbows…

Those who might tell you that you’re grieving incorrectly will do so quite innocently, on the whole – their best intentions and all that jazz – but to criticise grief is to aggravate grief, and since this is your grief being questioned you could really do without the added hassle of being told that how you’re grieving is wrong. You need from them only to know that they’ll listen should you desire to talk, and that they’ll hold you when you’re fearful of the eerie jungly dark, or when you’re dazzled by the glare of life carrying on – you don’t need opinions, you can’t help how you grieve, it’s natural.

Of limits, grief knows nothing – it recognises no authority – and it abides by no calendar other than its own calendar, printed by Whim & Fickle. All at once, or in dribs and drabs – maybe not even at all – you may feel something or other, cry with woe or rapture, or feel so damn guilty for not doing enough when you had the chance to do it all. You may feel helpless or muddled, alone – lost in denial – or you may even find peace knowing that they are at peace, free of their pain and turmoil…

Grief will do as it pleases, make you feel as it wishes, and won’t give up until it’s had enough –

By nature, grief is a callous swine – it is the bully inside our minds.


Tomos James